


Laid Bare

by Arianne_Isobel



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boxing, Doctor Clarke, Domestic Violence, Explicit Language, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Suicide, boxer bellamy, underground boxing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-05-19 01:56:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19347211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arianne_Isobel/pseuds/Arianne_Isobel
Summary: Broke and sick of living with her ex in a hellish apartment, Clarke takes a job in an illegal underground boxing ring - temporarily she swears, until she meets Bellamy Blake, champion boxer, and a look that says he was made to break her heart.





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke stretches her arms above her head and yawns as the insistent pounding on the door gets louder. It’s obnoxiously impatient which can only mean one thing.

“Murphy” she nods as he barges his way into her tiny apartment.

“Took your time” he mutters, stalking his way into the kitchen - opening and closing her pathetically bare cupboards. She hadn’t had a chance to food shop since she started doing overtime at the clinic along side her usual hospital shifts, and Finn was as useless at food shopping as he was staying loyal. “There’s no food anywhere here” 

Clarke rolled her eyes “yes Murphy, I know. I’ve been working myself to death if you haven’t noticed”

“I noticed. Did I wake you? You know it’s two in the afternoon, right?”

Of course she’d noticed, sunlight filtered into her dingy kitchen, illuminating all the imperfections, the dents in the doors, cracks from an angry kick, chips where objects had missed their target.

“I’m on night shifts, as a general rule I don’t answer the door but I got the feeling you wouldn’t leave until you got in, and I’d like the deposit back when we give up the apartment” Clarke threw him an apple out the fridge, he screwed up his face in disdain but bit into it anyway.

“Still living with the scumbag?” Juice dribbled down his chin, he made no move to wipe it anyway. 

“Yes Finn still lives here, it’s why I’m working so much. Is there a point to this visit, Murphy?”

Murphy had been a porter at the hospital when Clarke was newly qualified, he’d been miserable, rude, and had no people skills what so ever, but he’d taken Clarke under his wing anyway. He’d moved onto to other jobs since, but they had an almost friendship still.

“You know how much you hate doing overtime at that dodgy clinic?” He threw the apple core back at her, which for some reason she caught. Screwing up her face, she dropped into the bin and and nodded at him to get to the damn point already so she could go back to bed. “Well I got you a new gig, pays more than that damn clinic and you’d only have to work twice a month”

Clarke raised an eyebrow, she’d found that if it sounds too good to be true, then it most definitely was. “What’s the catch?”

Murphy dramatically put his hand over his heart…well, it was the right side instead of the left, but Clarke got the idea “Griffin you wound me, what makes you think there’s a catch to this amazing opportunity?” Clarke leant against the old faded table, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows. “Okay, it’s a little less than legal, but that’s a technicality”

Clarke threw her hands up “less than legal? How is something a little less than legal? It’s either legal or it’s not”

Murphy shrugged “okay its not, feel better?”

“No, of course not! I’m not taking an illegal job”

“You don’t even know what it is yet! Put some coffee on”

Clarke flicked the coffee maker on “illegal, that’s what it is”

“You’re getting hung up on that part. Look, it’s an underground boxing ring that runs twice a month, location is confirmed an hour before. It runs seven till one, better hours than you do at the clinic and they’d pay you $500 a time, better money than you’re getting now. Our old doctor moved away for some bullshit like a better job in a better area with good a school for his kid or whatever. All you’d have to do is patch my guy up after the fight, it’s not hard work”

Clarke poured two mugs of coffee, joke was on Murphy, it was decaf since she was going back to bed once she’d kicked him out. It did sound like a good opportunity, she could just do it until she got some of her savings back. Or she could get arrested and lose her medical license and resort to being a street artist and begging for quarters.

“Just, have a think, yeah? I hate to see you living in this hellhole with your dick of an ex”

“I’ll mull it over. Goodbye, Murphy” she pushes him towards the door, her only thoughts of going back to sleep.

“I’m taking this with me” Murphy held up his coffee mug as she slammed the door on him. Bloody cockroach.

 

Seven thirty found Clarke sitting on a stool eating packet mac and cheese that she found in the back of the cupboard. It was her last night shift, so at least she could shop tomorrow. Finn promised he’d go shopping at least 3 times this week, but his word meant nothing. She changed into her scrubs, still tired from her interrupted sleep thanks to damn Murphy trying to pull her over to the dark side. 

She was pouring her second mug of coffee when the front door was shoved open, a high, girly giggle danced through to the kitchen. Clarke groaned, it wasn’t even 8pm, how had he already found someone to bring home?

“Clarke” Finn stopped short in surprise, his arm wound around a pretty brunettes tiny waist. “I thought you’d be at work”

Clarke jumped off the stool, downing the last of her coffee, it was too hot, and burned her throat right down to her stomach, but she wasn’t hanging around here. “I start at nine, like every other night, but you knew that” snapped Clarke, snatching her bag off the table “for God’s sake change the sheets before I get home, and leave money for food, I’m sick of you saying you’ll go shopping when I’m working”

She slammed the door behind her, and dialled Murphy’s number. Fuck it, she had to get out of there.


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke obsessively checked her medical bag for the fifth time. She’d done some research on underground boxing, she wasn’t sure if it was bare knuckle or not, frankly she didn’t want to know. The whole thing left a sour taste in her mouth, but the money was too good to turn down. She looked at the smashed plate on the floor, she just needed to do this for a few months, get some more savings and she could get away from Finn and this hellish apartment. 

Murphy text to say he was outside, Clarke took a deep breath and closed her case. She probably had enough supplies to treat 15 boxers, but she didn’t know what she was getting into. 

“You look nice” Murphy commented at she slipped into the front seat of his old banged up Mercedes. She looked down at her outfit, she wasn’t wearing anything particularly spectacular;jeans and a crop top, and her black converse. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, if he was being nice, there was a catch. 

“I look normal, what’s going on?”

“You’ve already agreed to do this” he reminded her, winding through backstreets Clarke barely recognised “there’s cash waiting for you”

“Okay? I’m here, I’ve got my medical kit, what’s wrong?” Murphy parked the car in a sketchy looking parking lot, derelict, grey buildings surrounded them, some smattered with pathetic attempts at graffiti, but they were mainly bare. 

“No take backs, dye your hair purple” Murphy held his hand out, it was a pact they’d made years ago, it meant if Clarke backed out she’d have to dye her hair purple, which was an absolute no go as a doctor. She rolled her eyes as shook his hand. “Raven Reyes is a ring girl for our team”

“What? Murphy she hates me” Murphy had already got out the car, quickly walking towards a door on the side of the derelict buildings. Clarke grabbed her bag and chased after him.

“It’ll be fine” he knocked on the door, a small window skid open, Murphy muttered “Chop Suey”, then the door opened. This was ridiculous, it was like something out of an old movie, the top secret location, password protected doors – there was no way this was real, he was pranking her. He had to be.

But as she walked after him to the basement, it was clear this wasn’t a joke. The base from the speakers shook the room as dance music blared around them. Centre of the room was a makeshift ring, for a temporary thing, it looked good. Two fold out tables were packed each side of the room, one with a big, hand written Blake sign over it, and another with Wallace. She could only guess they were the betting tables. Murphy lead them through some heavy red curtains, into a make shift dressing room. An older man was quietly giving a pep talk to who Clarke assumed was the boxer. She didn’t even know his name, she didn’t care, either – this was just a job. Raven sat in the corner, eyes glued to her phone. Good job too, since she’d freak out once she saw who the new doctor was. 

Murphy didn’t bother with introductions, knowing it would cause drama. She was honestly shocked he brought her in here and not left her ring side. Clarke awkwardly placed herself in the corner, hoping to fade in and not be noticed until she was needed, but she had no such luck.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Raven screeched from across the room, it was go time.

“Raven” Murphy warned “we need her, the rules were no doctor no fighting, don’t blow this”

“You couldn’t have found a different doctor instead this home wrecking hussy”

“I’m out” Clarke went to turn, but Murphy grabbed onto her arm. Panic rose briefly in her chest as she snatched her arm away, Murphy put his hands up in surrender

“I’m not going to hurt you, just stay, please. We need a doctor and you need money. I’ll talk to Raven, you don’t have to even look at each other” 

Clarke bit her lip, Raven hated her, she’d always made that clear. As if her getting with Finn while he and Raven were still together wasn’t bad enough, what Abby did definitely pushed her over the edge. She did need the money though, and the thought of going home tonight and sleeping on the sofa knowing Finn had some girl in their room made her stomach turn. The thought of going home to Finn high or drunk was worse, though. So it was a few hours, for good money. She’d just have to suck it up. “Fine” she snapped in defeat “I’m here until I have enough money to move out, then I’m gone”

“That’s all we ask” Murphy smirked, leading her back ringside. They would be boxing soon, Clarke tried to anticipate what she’d need most. “They fight for 2 minutes, rest for 2 minutes. It’s over when it’s a KO or the ref, coach – or you as the doctor – decides their man is unfit to continue”

“How often does that happen?” This sounded way too dangerous for her liking, on top of being illegal. 

“If it goes on too long, the coach usually throws in the towel, I’ve never known a match go on longer than 15 minutes” Murphy shrugged nonchalantly “you’ll be fine, doc. Just know, you have to work around his entourage, pike will be screaming at him, you’ll be patching up, I’ll be making sure he’s mentally ready…it’s fun”

“Sounds it” she checked her medical bag again, is knowing she had two minutes and a entourage to deal with. It was hard enough to check stock with the strobe lighting impairing her vision and the base rattling her bones when someone stood over her, talk and lean, wearing a red silk robe, which paled out their skin, but she wasn’t about to tell them that. A hand was thrust in front of her face, she looked up slowly, to be met with dark eyes, the colour of 2am coffee that kept her awake when all she wanted to do was sleep, a mop of black hair, the strobe lights illuminating his deep curls and a smattering of freckles like tiny constellations painting a slightly crooked nose, presumably from taking one too many hits and improper setting.

“Bellamy Blake, I’m the boxer you’ll be patching up” he had a boyish grin, a little cocky, but not overly smug, if anything he almost sounded apologetic.

“Clarke Griffin” She shook his hand “Expert patcher-upper”

Bellamy threw this head back and laughed, even over the loud music, it was a magical sound, but Clarke shut that thought into a box never to be opened again. She swore after Finn she’d never get her heart broken like that again, and Bellamy Blake looked like he’d shatter her heart into a million pieces without a second guess. “I like you, you’ve got a better sense of humour than the last one, Nyko was dull”

“Give me time, I’ve been told I’m too serious for my own good” 

“I’m sure you’re fine, look, I just wanted to introduce myself before I went on, so you knew who you’d be patching up. Ill see you out there” He threw her a wink and sauntered back to his dressing room.

She was fucked.

 

Bellamy swaggered out through the crowd, a healthy mix of cheers and boos filled the room over We will rock you. Pike – Bellamy’s coach slapped him on the back, hyping him up as the music changed to Lose yourself when his opponent, Cage Wallace jumped out, practically skipping through the crowd.

On the ring, they tap gloves, the crowd scream and cheer as they’re introduced and Raven struts across the room wearing a ridiculously skimpy dress holding a giant 1 sign, then they’re off. 

Clarke has never really described herself as a pacifist, but that didn’t mean she particularly enjoyed violence. She did, however find herself particularly intrigued by the blood ballet being danced out before her. The first round was testing limits, neither went in too hard or fast, so luckily when the bell rang, she gave him a quick check over, but her job so far was to get in everyone’s way.

Bellamy slowly stopped testing the waters and got some good punches in, but so did Wallace, on the fifth round, Bellamy took a good hit over his left eyebrow, blood must have been occluding his vision, but he didn’t show it. He kept going like nothing had happened. She was grateful when the bell rang out and she jumped onto the ring, gauze in hand, to stem the bleeding from his eyebrow, and saline to clean out his eye.

“What are you doing?” Pike shouted at her over the music “His last doctor just washed him over with water and sent him back”

“The last doctor was an idiot” Clarke shouted back “the wound wont clot if its wet, it needs to be kept dry”

Bellamy smirked up at her “Brave princess, taking on Pike like that”

“I’m not taking anyone on, I’m just doing my job” she took the gauze away and covered it with a bandaid, it needed closing up but she didn’t have time, Murphy was tugging at her arm, telling her that time was up, and Bellamy was back on again. 

This time, he was out for blood. He took a hit to his nose, blood bloomed down his chin and chest. It was possibly broken, Clarke itched to get on there and check him, but he threw the winning punch and the crowd around her exploded, jumping around and hugging each other, Pike jumped onto the ring to showcase his champion. Murphy clasped her shoulder, a silent warning to hold back, her time to be a doctor would come. 

Apparently that time was back in the dressing room, as champagne was being sprayed, Clarke ordered Bellamy into a chair.

“Bossy” He grumbled, but sat down anyway, she shoved a tissue in his hand and told him to put it to his nose as she examined his eyebrow. 

“It needs closing” She crouched down to her medical kit, she had glue in here somewhere.

“I’m plenty used to stitches now”

“I’m not stitching you” She told him curtly, snapping her gloves on “Too much risk of infection, gluing its cleaner, less of a scar, too.”

“You know your shit” Bellamy smirked, amazingly, he kept still through her sorting his head out, staring at her with an intense look that made her stomach flutter. His nose wasn’t broken, so she cleaned him up sent him away to dance in the champagne sprays as she put her scrubs on over her clothes.

“Leaving so soon?” Murphy called out next to her, eyes a little red from the alcohol

“Yeah, my doctor duties are done” 

“You could stay a bit, celebrate, drink some champagne, strip off, fight Raven in a mud pit or something”

Clarke nearly blinded herself rolling her eyes so hard. “I’ll pass”

Murphy shrugged and pulled an envelope out his pocket. Clarke placed it at the bottom of her bag.

“You off to the clinic?” He nodded at her scrubs Clarke shrugged

“Nah, just thought it was better if Finn thought that’s where I was. You know what he’s like, I don’t want him to use this against me”

“That’s fair, you got a way to get home?”

“Yeah, thanks. Text me the details for next time” She gave Murphy a quick hug and ducked out. The night was cool, but it was welcome after the sweltering closeness of the basement. She walked quickly towards the bus stop, hoping it wouldn’t be too long of a wait in a dodgy area – though it was no worse than the clinic, just less populated. 

She held her bag a little tighter as footsteps got closer behind her. 

“Clarke!” 

She frowned, she didn’t recognise the voice, gingerly turning, Bellamy came into view, jogging towards her, brows knitted together looking more like a model than any illegal boxer had right to.

“Did I forget something?” 

Bellamy laughed, running his hand through his unruly curls “No, no. Going to work?” He gestured towards her scrubs

“Yeah, no. It’s complicated” She settled on, it wasn’t really any of Bellamy business.

“Not stopping for a celebratory drink?” His eyes were earnest, which confused Clarke even more.

“No, you’re fine, you’re patched up. My jobs done”

“So you’re just what? Getting the bus by yourself in a sketchy area?”

Clarke grimaced, why did he care? They’d only just met “Yeah, that’s how I generally get home”

Bellamy smirked and shook his head “Murphy said you could take care of yourself, bit of a badass princess, are we?”

Clarke snorted, but her cheeks reddening gave away the flattery. “My bus is coming” She told him flatly, stalking to the bus stop. That didn’t stop him from following her, though.

“I just wanted to say thanks, for helping out. I don’t know what kind of history you and Raven have but thanks for sticking around – it means a lot”

Her bus was pulling up, she could easily tell him that it was her pleasure, being so close to him, that she actually enjoyed herself – even it was hard to admit. But that meant getting attached, and this was strictly a short term thing. “I needed the cash” she payed the driver, then turned back to Bellamy “See you next time” He nodded as the doors closed and she took her seat. From the window, he had a vague kicked puppy look as he turned back towards the basement.


	3. Chapter 3

Bellamy rolled his shoulders, he was stiff and wound up, more than he usually was on the day of a fight. He only worked a half day, so he could try and focus on winding down before the location reveal. He hated it. He’d never admit it outside his own head, but he hated the secrecy, the uncertainty of who he would be fighting, who was cheering or leering at him from the crowd. Would Octavia be there? Would she stumble in from the great unknown, completely unaware that her brother was the one fighting? 

He shut that thought down fast. It was no use fantasising about meeting her again. Odds were she wasn’t even in this city anymore, she probably had a life and a job and a boyfriend, she probably wouldn’t want anything to do with her criminal brother. 

His phone consistently buzzed on the coffee table, texts from his friends hyping him up for the big match. He didn’t bother checking, the only important text would be at 6, when he knew where to go. 

Though, he itched to text Murphy, ask if the doctor was still coming tonight – the doctor who had haunted his dreams with her sad blue eyes and unflinching certainty. It hadn’t gone unnoticed how she flinched when Murphy grabbed her arm, how he’d immediately backed away from her. There was something there, something he so desperately wanted to ask, but at the same time, he didn’t want to get involved – couldn’t get involved, not after his mother. It would break him all over again.

He checked the clock on his phone, half an hour to go. The number for the location reveal had a different text tone to the standard ding everyone else got, so it was safe to go shower and dress before Nate picked him up.

While the stream of hot water usually relaxed him, today it seemed to burn through his skin, even on the the coldest setting it seemed nuclear hot. 

That damn doctor was in his head again. The concerned look as her fingers traced his brow, the look of determination when Pike told her to just hose him down – she cared, which was a rare quality.

Of course his friends cared about him, he wouldn’t doubt it for a second, but they didn’t have a tender touch, never looked particularly concerned when he injured himself anymore, they just saw it as part of what he does.

No one saw the absolute terror in his eyes that he’d taken one punch too many, or worse, that he’d given one punch too many. He always held his breath when his opponent went down, through this bravado saying a silent prayer that they’d come up again.

Would she see that when she looked at him?

His phone interrupted his thoughts, hastily picking it up, he looked up the location on google maps, and wrote down his opponents name. Roan King. He wondered if they were going through the same ritual as he was, all his actions obsessive and methodical, or if they were cool and calm, didn’t give a shit about what they were about to get into.

Bellamy most certainly did.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

Pike was giving him the same drivel he did every time he had a match, Pike was a brilliant coach; had been since he’d fostered him at 14, and carried it on long after he’d left the system, but he was a shit motivational speaker.

Instead, he focused on the tense conversation Murphy was having on the phone, it was nearly time to fight and Clarke wasn’t here yet. An uneasy feeling settled in his stomach.

“Is she coming?” Bellamy gritted out, if she wasn’t, there would be no fight.

“Yeah she coming, she’s having car trouble” Murphy Slid his phone in his pocket, he sounded too calm about it after the conversation Bellamy had just witnessed.

“What kind of car trouble? Couldn’t someone help her out?”

“The kind where Finn wouldn’t give her the car keys until he knew where she was going. I’d go get her but I doubt he’d let her out the apartment” Murphy rolled his eyes like was a normal occurrence. Bellamy took a deep breath before answering, trying his best not to let his temper get the best of him.

“Her boyfriends barricaded her in her apartment?”

“Ex boyfriend, and no, she got the keys, she’s on her way, probably about 10 minutes. She’ll be here Bellamy, I promise” his phone buzzed, then Murphy gave a rare smile “She’s here! See, she probably broke like every speed limit just to get here. Ill go meet her – just relax, its going to be fine”

 

Bellamy closed his eyes and counted to ten. He pushed his concern down, and as for his anger – he could take that out on Roan King. 

 

 

Roan was a damn good fighter. He gave a good as he got, there was no dancing around each other, no testing the limits – he was straight in there. In the second round he took a hit to his cheek, splitting the skin and sending blood pouring down his face and dripping off his jaw. Clarke practically shoved Pike out the way to clean him up. She did the same as last time, gauze over the cut while she cleaned him up, then put a bandaid on. Only this time she was muttering about an ice pack and swelling. It made Bellamy smile, Nyko didn’t care about that stuff, as long as he wasn’t concussed he couldn’t care less, he’d roughly patch him up after the fight and get drunk with a ring girl. 

Roan started lagging by the fifth round, it looked like an ankle injury, but he wasn’t in a position to care about his wellbeing. He went in hard and fast, but Roan was as good at defence as he was at attack. That was all he had now, expertly blocking every hit Bellamy gave until he could barely stand and a white towel was thrown into the ring.

Roan looked annoyed but the relief shone through in his eyes. Bellamy threw his arms around him, pounding his back. “Good fight” He shouted over Queen blaring through the speakers. Roan just nodded as Bellamy was torn away by the ref, who held his arm victoriously in the air. His friends flooded the ring, jumping on his and patting his back. He looked through them to find Clarke, but he couldn’t see past the ring. Though he knew she hadn’t gone home yet, disappointment still coursed through him. It was stupid, he knew she was just here for the money, but some small part of him hoped she was sticking around for him.

 

Clarke practically man handled him into a chair, he was annoyed that she’d dragged him away from the celebrations, but he was happy he got to be this close to her, even for a few minutes. She dripped water from a tube over the bandaid, Bellamy frowned.

“What’s that for?”

“I don’t want to just rip the bandaid off, it’ll hurt you and I don’t want to cause more damage. The skins delicate around here” Her fingers traced along his cheekbone with a feather light touch. His skin tingled as her fingers left him. He watched her with complete fascination, the way she bit her lip in concentration, how calm and gentle she was with him, like he was made of glass. His eyes travelling from her fingers down to the pale skin of her arms. Without his permission, his fingers trailed the purple fingerprint bruises that marred her perfect skin. He wanted to wrap his hands around the throat of whoever would do something like that.

She takes a step back – not frightened, but tactical. Calmly removing herself from the situation, she tells him “You’re done, don’t get it too wet when you’re dancing around in the champagne” she gives him a half smile before slipping away.

Jasper drags him over to the party before his minds had time to catch up. He lets himself forget, for just a minute, he lets himself drink horrible, dry cheap champagne out of a paper cup and dance in victory with his friends. He lets himself be young.

He’s not sure how long its been, but he’s definitely a bit past tipsy when Roan limps in, eyes searching around the room. He nods at Bellamy “Congrats again man” He smiles, it’s a tight, forced smile but Bellamy doesn’t give a shit. 

“Thanks” He smirks “Too bad about your leg”

“Yeah…that’s actually what I’m here about”

“I’m up for a rematch whenever you are”

Roan laughs, a big booming sounds that bounces off the hollow walls. “No, maybe another time. I’m actually here to see your doctor, is she about?”

Bellamy froze, he wasn’t possessive, and he wasn’t selfish, but Clarke was his doctor.

“She’s outside pretending not to smoke” Murphy interjected “She’ll be back in a minute”

“Thanks” Roan grinned, “I’ll go find her” he turned and walked towards the exit, of their own accord, Bellamy’s feet followed. They hadn’t reached the steps when Clarke crashed into Roan, he hands reached out to catch her, his hands looked too large on her delicate frame, but she didn’t flinch, instead – she laughed. A sound that burned its way into Bellamy memory, she didn’t so much as smile at him, now she was laughing with his opponent.

“Just who I was looking for” Roan said with a cocky smirk.

“Oh?”

“I was wondering if you could take a look at my ankle, its killing me and my doctors an idiot”

Clarke snorted delicately “You’re telling me, he should have thrown in towel as least two rounds earlier. Let me go get my med kit. It’s a nice night, there’s some chairs outside, I’ll meet you up there, if you can make it up the big bad steps” She smiled teasingly, Bellamys heart dropped, maybe it wasn’t him she was sticking around for – hell he wasn’t sure she even liked him as a person at this point. He watched her exit into the night, not sure if he’d even see her again tonight.

Fuck it, he’d get wasted and fuck some pretty little brunette – some girl who was actually his type.

But he couldn’t shake the imagine of Clarke tenderly wrapping Roans ankle, her laughing at something he said, his lips on hers – Bellamy shook his head, stop being ridiculous, she’s just one girl.

Something out of the corner of his eye glistened on the floor, he picked it up. The watch Clarke had on earlier, it must have slipped off her wrist at some point. It looked like a mans watch, old and well worn - maybe it was of sentimental value. 

It was a game piece now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: domestic abuse

Clarke stretched out her aching back, and rolled to where her pillow should be, only to be met with the hard floor.

“Shit” she muttered, that hurt.

“You slept on the sofa last night” Finn called from the kitchen, Clarke looked up to the lumpy sofa she’d fallen from.

“Yes I can see that now”

“Just making sure”

Thanks, captain obvious. She pushed herself up and brushed herself off, sleeping on that horrible old thing did nothing for her back. When she finally got out, she’d buy the best sofa she could find, long and soft, she’d sit about on it watching whatever the hell she wanted drinking coffee that was made with a proper coffee maker, not the old crappy thing they had now.

She padded into the kitchen, still in the scrubs she’d changed into after the fight. She’d got home later than she wanted to, told Finn it was busy at the clinic. He seemed to believe her, but she never really knew with him, he had such a good poker face, it was how he’d gotten away with cheating for so long. 

It was how she’d fallen into his trap.

Finn was sat at the faded table, they’d got it from a flea market when they first moved in after college, they’d strapped it to the roof of their 1998 Volkswagen Golf, spent half an hour manoeuvring the chairs into the back seat and came home feeling on top of the world with their dingy apartment and second hand furniture, it was theirs.

Before the lies and cheating.

Before he lost his job and resorted to drugs and alcohol.

Before he drained her savings account and started pawning her stuff to fund his addiction. 

Before all of that, this hellhole was her own little slice of heaven. 

She poured herself a mug of coffee, it was only 8am, she’d had the grand total of 5 hours sleep.

“Careful” Finn warned with a smirk “that’s possibly the strongest coffee I’ve ever made”

Clarke raised a suspicious eyebrow “you didn’t put whiskey in it, did you?”

“Of course not” he scoffs, scowling at her. She’d once thought his scowl was so attractive, she thought everything about him was unbelievably attractive, it was why she stuck with him after she found out about Raven. Now his scowl reminded her of plates being thrown at her head and a tight grip around her wrist. 

She locked that thought away, no point getting hung up on the past. She sipped her coffee, it was too hot and bitter, but she knew better than to complain. 

Something felt off, not with Finn, he was reading a book with his coffee, nothing out of the ordinary. The apartment was fine, if not actually tidy for a change. So what the hell was it? 

She took another sip of her coffee, that’s when she noticed – or rather, didn’t notice – it. Her fathers watch wasn’t on her wrist. She never took it off apart from showering which she hadn’t done since yesterday morning, and she’d had it on at the fight yesterday, which meant…

“Finn!”

“What now?”

She slammed the coffee mug from his hand down onto the table, boiling coffee spilling on his boxers and faded Green Day t shirt.

“You bitch!”

“Did you take my fathers watch?” She demanded, he was low, he’d been as low as they go, but she never thought he was capable of doing this. 

“Of course I didn’t you psycho” he spat, dabbing the coffee stains on his legs with a paper towel. 

“Yeah? Then where is it? I sure as hell had it on when I left yesterday, and it’s gone now”

“Maybe you lost it?” He suggested, venom lacing his voice. He was losing his temper, well so was she.

“I’d know if I lost it”

“You clearly fucking wouldn’t”

“Finn, I swear to god, if you took it I’ll report you to the goddamn police, don’t think I won’t have a case with all the drugs –” 

He pushed her, hard into the counter, her back slamming into the hard edge, knocking the air out of her lungs. She slid down the cabinet, clutching her back as Finn loomed over, tall and menacing, and oh so familiar. “You psychopathic little bitch. You think I’d steal that piece of shit? It’s worth nothing, like the wrist it sits on”

She flinched, the words cut deeper than physical attacks, and he knew it. 

The bedroom slammed shut, and once again, Clarke was left to pick herself up.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

Bellamy couldn’t sleep.

It wasn’t the adrenaline – that had long worn off.

It wasn’t the vision of Clarke laughing in Roans arms, but it still danced behind his eyelids.

It was the gentle tick tick tick of the worn watch nestled in his palm. Something that has been so close to Clarke, something that obviously held a dear sentimentality to her was in his grasp, almost like he was apart of her. 

The words Jake Griffin were engraved on the back of the face, worn out over time, but still readable. Was it her fathers? Grandfathers? Were they close, or was it passed down? A memento Mori? He’d be devastated if he ever lost his mother’s ring. Something he’d held so dear to his heart. As the memories of her faded, the delicate gold band and amber stones lived on in her name. Did this watch hold the value to Clarke?

All these questions, and one person held the answer, one person whose touch electrified him to his very core. He could still feel the tingle of her finger tips against his cheek. He had to return it, had to see her.

The digital clock told him it was 9am, early for him, but the world bustled on around him. 

Sick of waiting around, he dialled Murphy’s number

“It’s early” Murphy answered in lieu of an actual greeting

“It’s 9am. You’ll get over it, I need a favour”

“I won’t get over it, and I’m not doing you any favours” Murphy muttered, still sounding half asleep.

“Great. I need Clarke’s address”

“What? Why?” He sounded more alert now, Bellamy could hear the springs in his old mattress groan.

“I found her watch, I wanted to return it, and say thank you, you know for helping out”

“Just give me the watch, I’ll give it back” Murphy’s tone was measured, he’d told him before that Clarke had a complicated home life, but Bellamy was in way too deep to let it go now. 

“You said she lives not far from my gym, right? I was going this morning, I can just drop it off on my way”

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone, Bellamy wasn’t sure if Murphy was still there when he heard a long, drawn out sigh. 

“Look, I’ll give you the address, but just drop the watch off and go. Don’t mention the boxing, don’t mention how you know her, and for gods sake, Blake do not cause her any shit with Finn, he’s an asshole, and that’s me being polite”

Bellamy wrote down the address and promised to just drop the watch off, though his curiosity was practically burning a hole in him now. 

 

He had the wrong building – he must have. There was no way in hell he could imagine Clarke living here. This was a drug dealers paradise, and she was a doctor for gods sake!

He tentatively knocked the door, Murphy definitely said this building, definitely said this door – but no one answered. He waited – much longer than he’d wait anywhere else, then knocked again. Louder this time, making sure his presence was known. There was pause, maybe no one was in, when he heard 

“Finn, answer the damn door already”

There was a grumble from the other side of the door, but it finally flew open. Standing on the other side, was a mop of too long hair and standoffish eyes, staring him down.

“What?”

Bellamy was taken aback, this must be the possessive ex.

“Is Clarke here?”

“Why?” The man stood up straighter now, eyes burning into him like he could set him ablaze from a look alone.

“I found something of hers, I wanted to return it”

The ex – Finn – shrugged, then yelled “Clarke, its for you”

Clarke rounded the corner, wearing pyjama shorts and a tiny tank top that clung to her like a second skin, it made Bellamy sweat a little bit. Her hair was loose and damp, like she’d not long got out the shower.

“Hey” she smiled at him, a real, genuine smile and for a minute, his heart stopped beating in his chest. “I didn’t expect you” she turned to Finn “can you go sort the coffee machine out? It’s spitting steam again”

“It’s too old to function, that’s why” he muttered with a roll of his eyes, he walked out of the tiny hallway.

“What can I do for you?” Clarke asked, overly polite. Bellamy paused, he’d never really had a conversation outside of her patching him up, but the strain in her voice hurt a little. 

He pulled the watch out of his pocket, remembering his promise that he’d just return it, not mention anything else. “I found this on the floor, I thought it was yours?”

Clarke’s eyes widened as she took in the watch in Bellamy’s palm, a wondrous smile came over her face as she threw her arms around his neck, squeezing him tight, he hesitated before returning the hug, his arms seemed to fit around her waist perfectly, like they were made to go there. “Thank you thank you thank you! She murmured in his ear, pulling back to put the watch back on her wrist. “You have no idea what this means to me, I was devastated when I thought I’d lost it. It was my dads, it’s the only thing I took my from my moms house”

“I figured it was sentimental” he gave her a bashful grin, not really sure why he couldn’t just string a full sentence together.

“Thank you so much! Come in a second, I’ve got something for you actually.” He followed her into the dingy kitchen, the brown cupboards cracked and peeling, the countertops stained and faded. There was a dent in one of the cupboards that resembled a footprint, Bellamy suddenly got this sickening feeling in his stomach. Possessive ex was one thing, but an abusive ex…

“Here” Clarke handed him a small bottle of an orange coloured oil, Bellamy raised an eyebrow “it’s for scars” she explained “rubs a bit over them a couple of times a day once they’ve healed and this stuff practically gets rid of any scars.”

“Oh” he looked down at the the bottle, it was a small gesture, but it meant a lot. She’d thought about him, she’d gone out of her way to help him. “Thanks, I’m touched” he smirked.

“Yeah yeah” she waved him off, still smiling, though. “Coffee?”

“I wouldn’t” Finn snorted from behind her “she threw mine all over me, on some psycho shit”

Bellamy frowned, but Clarke just smiled “I found my watch, well, Bellamy found it at the clinic”

“Oh thank god” Finn muttered “you believe me that I’m stealing your shit now?”

Clarke shrugged “makes a nice change. Shouldn’t you be going to work?”

“Shit” Finn looked at the clock on the wall and slammed the bedroom door behind him, Clarke smiled up at Bellamy 

“You’d think the doors were made of lead the way he slammed them. Coffee? I promise I won’t throw it over you” she smirked teasingly, Bellamy paused, feeling like he’d maybe intruded on an argument, and Murphy warned him not to cause trouble. 

“I should get going, I’ve got to get to the gym before twelve. Thanks, for this” he held up the bottle gratefully.

“Don’t mention it” she smiled kindly, walking him to the door. She lifted her wrist, her fathers watch wound around it “thanks, for bringing it back. I was devastated when I thought I’d lost it”

So devastated she threw her coffee over Finn? Or was that something different entirely? 

“I’d have brought it back earlier but you were patching up Roan”

She smiled warmly “Yeah, it was nice catching up with him”

“You know him” he asked in surprise

“Roan and I go way back”

Bellamy almost hollered. There he was last night, thinking she couldn’t care less about him, when in actual fact she’d thought about him and his scars. Not wondered off with a random opponent.

And here she was, gazing at him with an alien intensity. Her fingers traced his cheek, he winced at the tenderness of it.

“It’s bruised” she murmured sadly “sorry, I should have put an ice pack on it. I knew it would bruise. It was stupid of me”

“Hey” he caught her hand gently as she tried to pull away. She didn’t flinch away from him, but her breath stuttered and her eyes darkened. She was affected by him too. “It’s not your fault I bruised, it’s an occupational hazard”

Her eyes said she wanted to argue, but the bedroom slammed behind them and Clarke dropped her hand. “You should go” she whispered.

Bellamy couldn’t help but agree.


	5. Chapter 5

The chatter around her blurred into white noise, the layers of conversation condensed down a ringing sound that wouldn’t leave her mind.

She was exhausted. 2 doctors had called in sick with the Norovirus, and the nurses were worked to their bones. So she’d picked up a shift until five thirty, then came straight to this weeks fight. She pushed through the crowd, looking for the dressing room. She wasn’t sure if she was allowed to sit in the dressing room yet, with Raven wanting to scratch her eyes out every time they were within three feet of one another. But she still had to tell them she was there, so she followed Murphy’s instructions and somehow sleep walked into the dressing room. She stood at the door a moment, unnoticed as Bellamy stretched, he was so beautiful. The Constellations of freckles danced over the lean muscles on his back. He’d changed from his usual red shorts to a black pair, slung too low on his hips. She ached to reach out and touch him again, to feel his soft skin under her fingertips. But she couldn’t, she’d already got too close. Finn had been hell since Bellamy had returned her watch. Accusations coming from all angles, hypocritical accusations that she wished to god were true. 

But she kept her distance, not just for her sake, but for Bellamy’s too. She knew he could handle himself - of course he could - he was a boxer. But she’d never forgive herself if she was the one who got him hurt. 

So she’d worked herself to the bone to get away from Finns wrath, and now she was barely functioning, she’d been at work since 6, and didn’t plan on stopping around here a moment longer that necessary.

“Griffin! You look like shit” Murphy practically tackled her, she laughed as she steadied herself, turning to face him “Scumbag still being an asshole?”

Clarke nodded. Murphy was the only person she’d ever told about Finn, drunkenly one night when she’d had enough of life. They weren’t even particularly friends then, just at the same party two familiar faces in a sea of strangers.

“Finns still being Finn” she rubbed her arm, looking down at a spec on the concrete floor. She hated how small it made her feel when she was once larger than life.

“You know you can crash at mine if he gets too bad, right?”

Clarke nodded, she appreciated the gesture – truly she did. But she feared what Finn would do if she didn’t come home one night, it wasn’t exactly like she had any girl friends she could say she was stopping with, Finn had made sure of that.

“Hey! You’re here” Bellamy’s voice took her by surprised, she turned to see a gentle smile on his face. He was truly gorgeous, did he think of her like she thought of him? 

Of course not. Why would he? She was here as a necessity, not because he wanted her there. Of course he didn’t, once her doctor duties had finished, she was worthless.

 

“Yeah, just about” she smiled wryly “who are you fighting tonight?”

“Some blinged out twig called Atom”

“Cool name” she smirked, Bellamy grinned 

“The best”

“Bellamy, you’re on in 10 minutes” Pike shouted from across the room, Bellamy rolled his eyes

“I’ll see you out there, I’ve got to go listen to Pikes motivational vomit” 

Clarke nodded, letting Murphy lead her ringside, and letting Bellamy slip out her sight.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

Bellamy pounded his gloves together, baring his teeth and playing up for the crowd. He took his time strolling though the screams as we will rock you filled the room from the speakers. He wasn’t always a showman like this, but people paid good money to see a show, so he had to give a show.

He shook his head as Atom skipped out to pump it, Bellamy could tell from just one look the kid was new to this. The overly enthusiastic energy, twiggy arms and cheap gloves, but everyone had to start somewhere, and it may as well be here, getting his ass kicked by Bellamy.

They touched gloves as Raven sauntered across the ring, commencing the first round.

Atom had no real technique he went in fast, with no defence. Leaving himself open to Bellamy’s attack, which was sharp and smooth and well placed, Pike was a bit of a dick, but he was still a damn good coach. 

The bell sounded, and the both retreated back to their corners, Clarke came to check on him, but he’d barely taken a hit. She looked exhausted, dark bags hung under her eyes, she was ghostly pale, her eyes barely focused anywhere. Murphy had said Finn was being more of an ass than usual, Bellamy couldn’t help but feel guilty. He should have just given Murphy the watch, the last thing he wanted was to cause her pain. 

“If he keeps going on like this he’ll have worn himself out by the third round” Clarke shouted to him over the music. Bellamy smirked.

“Let’s hope so, easy night for both of us”

“Did he even get a touch in?”

Bellamy shook his head, Clarke shrugged and shouted “good luck with the excitable puppy on round two”

Round two brought a different, more annoying technique to the ring as Atom danced around him, dodging punches Bellamy hadn’t even thrown yet. It was a distraction technique Bellamy was too clever to fall for. Maybe Clarke was right and he’d wear himself out by the third round.

By the fourth round, Bellamy was beginning to lose it. He was tired of this kid running literal circles around him. He was finishing this. Taking advantage of his lack of defence, Bellamy went the ribs, one, two, three jabs, Atom lagged, Bellamy got a hit to his shoulder, then his head – and he went down like a sack bricks.

“One...two...three…four…knockout!” The ref declared, pulling Bellamy’s arm up in victory. He grinned as his friends stormed the stage, but a feeling of dread hung over him. It was only seconds into his victory when he heard Clarke scream.

“Move! Get out the way” she was shoving her way through the ring, over to where Atom lay unconscious, at least, Bellamy thought he was, until Clarke started pressing around his neck.

He was going to be sick.

His biggest fear, that he’d hit someone too hard and they wouldn’t get back up was being played out in front of his eyes as Clarke started chest compressions. He ripped off his gloves, throwing them to the ground in anger. 

Atoms doctor watched on uselessly as Clarke attempted to resuscitate him. 

It felt like hours before Clarke finally sat back, and Atom took a gulp of air. Bellamy finally let go of the breath he was holding, a burst of emotions bloomed in his chest – guilt, shame, hatred, pain, he barely had enough time to register them as he watched Clarke pick up Atoms arm, examining the chunky silver bracelet he had on, then stand and storm to his Doctor, shoving him into the ropes. 

Bellamy couldn’t hear the exact words she screamed at the doctor, but he could hear the venom and anger, she kept pushing him until someone from the opposing side grabbed her around the waist and pull her off him. 

“No! Get off me” she screamed in a panic, it was enough to tear Bellamy out of his trance. He stepped forward, pulling his arm until he released her 

“Let go of her” he growled, pulling Clarke close to him. But she had a one track mind, and carried on screaming at the doctor.

“How could you let him fight? You could have killed him!”

Murphy came up behind him and shoved Bellamy out the way, gripping Clarke around the back of her thighs and hoisted her over his shoulder.

“Murphy put me down, I swear to god”

“Yeah yeah” Murphy stepped out the ring “he don’t scare me and neither do you” 

Bellamy lost them in the crowd, he was left with bile rising in his throat as he ran to the toilets, locking himself in a stall and emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet. 

He sat slumped against the stall wall, wanting nothing more than for a black hole to come and swallow him whole. He ignored the knocks at the door and the pleads for him to come out, he just wanted to be left alone, for the weight of what he’s done to crash down and crush him. 

A gentle knock pulled him out of this dark thoughts, a knock that didn’t belong to any of his friends.

“Bellamy, it’s Clarke. Can I come in?” Her voice was soft and soothing, like warm honey tea in a cold day.

He slid open the lock, Clarke slid into the cramped stall and locked the door. Sinking to her knees, she took his face in her hands tenderly and wiped away his tears with her thumbs. “Look at me” she gently turned his face towards her, he could have easily resisted, but why on earth would he? “It wasn’t your fault. He had a cardiac condition, he should never have been allowed in the ring. His heart could stop at any time, Bellamy. This wasn’t your fault”

Bellamy stared at her, the full weight of what she was saying not comprehending in his mind.

“What? How do you – how did you – ” 

“He was wearing a medical bracelet, Bellamy listen to me, please don’t blame yourself for his idiotic choices. This isn’t on you” her eyes were wide and earnest, impossibly blue and beautiful. 

“Clarke, I don’t know if I can –”

Her lips, soft and supple crashed into his, moulding themselves to the shape of his. His hands gripped her waist, pulling her onto his lap, holding her close, like he’d longed to from the moment he’d first lay eyes on her. 

Her whole body was electric, sending shocks through Bellamy that made him feel alive for first time. He’d been stuck in the desert and she was his oasis.

“Don’t leave me alone” he begged against her lips

“Never”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Domestic abuse and references to a past suicide

He wasn’t entirely sure how they got back to his apartment, he was only vaguely aware of Clarke flicking on the light and sitting him on the bed. She stumbled out to the kitchen, he stared helplessly after her. He wanted to beg her not to leave him, but his tongue didn’t work. She came back with a glass of water, instructing him to drink.

She pulled her scrubs top off, revealing a white tank top, similar to the one she was wearing when he went to her apartment.

“If you’re trying to distract me, princess it’s working” He croaked out best he could. She turned and smiled, taking the empty glass off him. He lay down, still dressed in his boxing shorts and a t shirt that didn’t belong to him. Clarke slipped into bed next to him, laying her head on his shoulder.

“Tell me something” she murmured, his arms wrapped around her waist, finding safety in having her close. 

“What?”

“Anything”

Bellamy took a deep breath and closed eyes, tears springing to then as the words poured out of their own accord “I have a sister, Octavia. I actually named her, after Octavia the younger. I haven’t seen her since I was thirteen”

“What happened?”

“We were put with separate foster families, they tried to keep us together, but they couldn’t, no one wanted to foster two of us, and I was a…handful”

“I don’t believe that for one minute” Clarke smiled teasingly, Bellamy laughed. “How did you end up in foster care?”

“My mom died in a car accident, I was ten, Octavia was just about to turn six. I didn’t want to leave her, I fought so hard to stay with her, but they wouldn’t listen and separated us anyway. I did everything I could to find her after, still do. But it’s like she doesn’t even exist, for all I know she got adopted and changed her name. She probably wouldn’t want to know me now anyway, I’m probably just a bad memory from her old life”

“Hey” she sat up, and gently pushed his hair off his forehead “don’t say that, she’d be lucky to have you in her life again”

She lay back on his chest, he murmured “your turn”

Clarke took a deep, shaky breath. “My moms the reason Raven has to wear a brace on her leg”

Bellamy froze. As long as he’d known Raven she’d had that brace, she took it off to do her walks in the ring, but it was always there. He’d heard about the druggie surgeon that messed up the surgery, but never in a million years would he have put that down to Clarke.

“Raven and I were almost friends once. After she walked in on Finn and I…I didn’t know he had a girlfriend at another college. We had our cheating ex in common after she transferred to Arkadia. There was an accident in the garage she was working in, something blew up. Some shrapnel got lodged in her spine, she was taken to Arkadia General, I told her my mom was the best surgeon around, I was almost positive my mom could do the surgery with little complications”

“So what happened?”

“I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t know. She kept getting migraines, they’d take her out for days at a time, the hospital were threatening to fire her, so she stared self prescribing Opioids. She got addicted but she didn’t tell anyone about them. Then her boyfriend found out and she tried to quit cold turkey – but she went into withdrawal, she shook constantly, couldn’t concentrate. She didn’t want to do the surgery, but I begged her. Raven ended up with serious nerve damage and my mom lost her job, ended up getting sued, her names a disgrace, so is mine in some peoples eyes. I went back to Finn for comfort, and Raven never forgave me.”

“Clarke” Bellamy shifted so he could look down at her, But her gaze stayed steadily ahead. “You cant blame yourself for your mothers mistakes”

“I wouldn’t take no for an answer, I insisted she did the surgery. I ruined both their lives”

“She should have told you, you couldn’t have known”

“I should’ve noticed, but after, I was just so angry. And Raven – well, you’ve seen how much Raven hates me.”

“Raven will get over it someday” He assured her, though not knowing if it was true. She yawned, trying to stifle it with her hand. He kissed her hand softly. “Go to sleep”

“I’m sure I’m supposed to be taking care you” she smiled sleepily, his lips found the soft crown of her head.

“You are”

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

It was the worst sleep of Bellamy’s life.

Every time he closed his eyes he saw Atom go down, but this time, he didn’t come up again. 

Clarke fell asleep sometime after 5, reluctantly. She’d fussed over him until her eyes couldn’t stay open anymore, then she’d fallen asleep against his shoulder, arm draped over his stomach. He traced patterns over the smooth, pale skin, resting his hand over hers. Her blonde hair fanned over the white tank top she had on under her scrubs, the sheets pooled around her hips. She stirred as his fingers stroked her hair.

“Morning” he kissed her head. Her arm tightened on his waist 

“Hey, did you sleep?” 

“A little” he lied as her lips nipped at his collar bone. “I won’t sleep if you keep doing that”

“You’ve had plenty of time to sleep” her lips dragged up his neck, he groaned, pressing his lips to hers, she melted into him. Her hands run up his chest, his hands gripped her waist and wandered upwards, dragging her tank top up. 

His eyes raked over her, his heart stopping at the sight of the big, ugly yellow bruise on her back, angry and painful looking.

“Clarke, what the fuck is that on your back?” He froze, he’d suspected something was going on, He’d seen the fingerprint marks and the way she’d flinched away from contact but this…This was something else.

“It’s nothing” she pulled her top down swiftly, but he’d already seen the damage.

“That’s not nothing Clarke, that’s huge” she sat up, but wouldn’t look at him. How could someone do something like that to her? “He put his hands on you, how can you say that’s nothing?”

“It was my fault” tears filled her eyes, god how could he have been so blind to this? 

“Bullshit! There’s no way this is your fault”

“Just drop it, please”

“Tell me” he demanded through gritted teeth “tell me how it happened”

She looked down, picking at at a loose thread on the sheets. “I thought he’d taken my fathers watch, I was so angry, I wound him up, and he pushed me. I fell into the counter, that’s all”

“That’s all? Clarke he pushed you hard enough to leave a bruise that’s lasted two weeks! It’s not nothing, you need to leave him”

“I can’t” her voice was small, he barely heard it over the sound of blood pumping in his ears “please, just trust that I have a plan”

“Yeah? And what’s that? You stay there until he he kills you? Or worse”

He thought of his mother, of the man who would stand over her beating her until she was black and blue, he thought of the car crash. Her car wrapped around tree and her plummeted to the other side of the road, the suicide note left for him and Octavia on her dressing table.

“I tried! Okay?” Her voice abruptly pulled him out of his thoughts “I tried and he found me. He threatened to kill me. I just need some time, Bellamy. I need some time to build up some savings, enough for a few months rent if I cant find a job” a single tear running down her face betrayed her anger.

“Can’t find a job where?” He squeezed his eyes shut, his thoughts scattered. 

“Polis. I have a friend there, Lexa. Finn doesn’t know her, he wouldn’t think to look for me there”

It was a good plan, a damn good plan. But it broke Bellamy’s heart, that she had to think like this, that this was even happening to her. But what really broke him, was that she was leaving him. He had no right to feel so strong about it, had no right to get so damn attached to her, but when she was kissing him, the world seemed to fall into place.

“So what the hell was all that last night?” His anger was unjustified, completely unfair to Clarke who had just confessed her goddamn ex was abusing her, but all the emotions from the last 24 hours seemed to condense down to this one moment.

“I was taking care of you” The hurt in her eyes made his chest ache.

“You didn’t have to kiss me to do that. You didn’t have to lead me on knowing you’d be leaving in a couple months”

She stared at him in shock and pain, his own pain being taken out on her…what made him any better than Finn?

“You’re right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, that’s the last thing I wanted to do. I should go” She turned and walked into the living room, pulling on her shoes.

He couldn’t let her go. Not now. “Wait, please don’t leave”

“You were right. I was being selfish, I shouldn’t have kissed you” He pulled her close, hugging her tiny body to his chest.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t care, you’re here now, that’s all that matters. Just – please – don’t go back to him”

Clarke didn’t say anything, but she tightened her grip around his waist and lay her head on his heart.

It was good enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter killed me but your comments and kudos brought me back to life


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Domestic violence

Turning the lock in the front door, she slid it open as quietly as she could. Finn should be at work, but that didn’t guarantee anything. She slipped off her shoes as she heard a bang from the kitchen. She was grateful she’d stayed in her scrubs, though her shift at the hospital seemed like a lifetime ago. 

“Hey” She murmured to Finn, flicking on the coffee machine, but it just spat out steam at her.

“It’s broke” Finn muttered “Where the hell were you last night? I was worried”

Finn wasn’t worried, he was possessive and jealous. She’d already figured out her excuse on the bus home though. Always planning one step ahead.

“My shift at the clinic ran over, I only wanted to do a couple of hours but it was crazy. I crashed at one of the nurses house. I didn’t mean to worry you, my phone died”

Finn grunted, staring at her critically “you know, it’s funny you say that, ‘cause I called the clinic, they said you haven’t worked there for weeks.” Clarke froze in panic “Don’t lie to me, Clarke”

“You phoned the clinic? South side?” She had to think fast, she had to get out of this.

“Yes, Southside, where else?”

“I told you, I left there weeks ago. You never listen to me”

Finn froze, deep in thought. She could see the confusion on his face, the doubt, whether he was doubting her or himself, she didn’t know. 

“You left, to go where?”

“I told you” She snapped “twice, its not fault you don’t listen”

“You’re lying” he spat, but she didn’t back down, not from him – not again. “You’re whoring about, I know you are, I swear to god – ”

“Finn, I’m still wearing my scrubs! Would I be wearing these if I’d have been out with some guy?”

He grabbed her arm, hard. But she didn’t flinch from him, not when that was what he wanted “Yes, because you think you’re so clever, don’t you? Sneaking around with some guy behind my back, telling me you changed work, I’m not stupid. The give away was when your little boyfriend came to return your watch. Left his bed a hurry? You never left our bed in a hurry, pretty boy not satisfying you?”

She pulled her arm out of his grasp and pushed him hard away from her “Fuck you” she spat, “I’m not sleeping with anyone, but even if I were, what business of it is yours? You’re a fucking hypocrite, Finn. You couldn’t even stay loyal for a year, you have different girls around when I’m working and you want to fight me?”

Anger flashed in his eyes, being called out on his bullshit was not something Finn was familiar with, and he certainly did not enjoy it. “Listen here you little psycho, I know you’re fucking him, or you want to. Is that it? Why you moved clinics? Pining over pretty boy? Well let me tell you there’s no way in hell he’s interested in a worthless piece of shit like you, trust me. Ive known you long enough that you led me into this life, the drinking and drugs, that shit you blame on me? That was you, darling. And soon you’ll do the same to him, look at your mother, you drove her to drugs and got her fired. Ruined her life like you ruined mine.”

She didn’t know what came over her, she didn’t even realise she was doing it until her hand slapped Finns cheek sharply. “Don’t you dare blame your bad decisions on me. You got into drugs because you’re weak and don’t have your own mind so you started following whatever the ‘cool guys’ were doing. You lost your job because you’re a shitty person who couldn’t keep away from the vodka. I hope it kills you. I hope you drink yourself to death and I can get away from you and this shitty place”

His hands, once kind and gentle grabbed her by the throat, slamming her into the wall. Her head bounced sickeningly, black spots taking over her vision. “I’d kill you before I let that happen” his face was inches away from her, the smell of whiskey filling her nostrils and making her stomach turn “I’ll kill you and no one will miss you because you’re a worthless nobody.” 

He released her throat, and she gasped for breath, hands resting on her knees. She hated him, with every single fibre of her being she hated him. 

The front door slammed, and she wished for nothing more than to be wrapped in Bellamy’s arms again, for the complications to slip away and just be with him. He’d made her question her decision to move away. It wasn’t meant to be like this, she wasn’t supposed to fall in love again, and not with him, whose life oozed danger and mystery. 

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

Bellamy allowed himself two days rest, two days to get over his fear. Two days to get over the crushing disappointment of Clarke leaving. He wasn’t disappointed in her decision – the opposite actually, he was overjoyed she was getting out. He was disappointed he couldn’t follow her to the ends of the earth.

Would she want that? Did she want him close, or was she being nice? Trying to distract him from thinking of Atom?

No. He wouldn’t think of her. Pike had been eager to get him back to work and back to training. This was his distraction technique. Had been since he was fourteen. 

The entire cavalry had come out to watch him train, to see if he’d break or not. 

Of course he didn’t.

Bellamy Blake did not break.

But he was cautious, his hits too soft and hesitant, even with pikes screaming. He was scared. 

It was such an alien feeling. Of course he’d been scared before, his first solid memory was fear as his mother lay on the kitchen floor screaming, sweat running down her face as her swollen belly contracted. He was scared that he couldn’t look after Octavia, his sister – his responsibility. Scared of the man that beat his mother and drove her to suicide. Scared the same thing would happen to Clarke.

He was never scared when he was fighting, though. Every hit now reminded him that something could go wrong at any moment, that they could go down and not come back up again. He didn’t know who he was fighting, what kind of problems they had. What if he hit someone diagnosed? What if Clarke wasn’t there to bring them back? What if…

“Bellamy! Get out of your own damn head and fight” Pikes voice dragged him away, he thought he was ready, thought he could do this, but he couldn’t. 

“I’m done” Bellamy told him, unstrapping his gloves “I cant do this today.”

“You cant let fear rule you. You push past it” Pikes drivel just confirmed that it was time to call it a day. Everyone wanted to say something to him then, to encourage him to carry on or tell him it was okay to not be okay. But he wasn’t interested, he just shoved them away and told them to just leave already. There was only one person he wanted to talk to there.

“Raven, can we talk before you go?” She turned and smiled, her usual, cocky smirk.

“Of course” They sat on the stools at the edge of the room as everyone else drained out the room. “What’s up?”

“I was talking to Clarke the other night” The smiled slipped off her face into a sour look “She told me about your leg, about her mom”

“Clarke told you it was her moms fault the surgery went wrong? That she was having drug withdrawals?”

“She told me everything” He confirmed “I’m so sorry that happened to you”

Raven shook her head “It’s okay. It’s not your fault, its hers. Did she tell you she went running back to Finn in the aftermath? Even after he’d cheated on both of us?”

“Yeah, she did. That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about. He never – did he ever hurt you?”

Raven looked shocked, eyes widening and mouth hanging agape “No, of course not! He wouldn’t dare”

Bellamy let out the breath he was holding, the thought had been dragging him down, the thought of one of his closest friends going through this, he wasn’t sure he could take anymore heartbreak. 

“Does he hurt Clarke?”

Bellamy dragged his hand over his face, he hadn’t said what he’d seen out loud to anyone but Clarke. “She had this massive bruise on her back, he pushed her into the counter, or so she says anyway. She had fingerprint bruises on her arms a few weeks ago. She flinches if someone touches her when she’s not expecting it. It just doesn’t sit right with me, you know?”

Raven nodded sadly “Finn was a bit of an ass at times, but he was always sweet and kind. I didn’t pin him down as a cheater though, let alone an abuser. I cant put anything past him at this point.”

“I just wanted to make sure he never hurt you, I couldn’t bear the thought”

She put her hand over his and smiled “Hey, I’m okay. It’s fine, you don’t need to worry about me. But thanks, for you know, worrying about me”

“Anytime” He smirked. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, he returned the hug, a weight lifting off his shoulders.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

He may not have been able to punch Pike, but he could punch a bag without the fear of causing harm. So that’s what he did, until long after everyone had gone, he channelled all his aggression, his fear and concerns into a one track thought. He barely heard the door opening.

“Pike, I don’t need another a lecture” He snapped

“It’s just me” Clarkes voice took him by surprise, his head snapped up and walked her walk slowly around the equipment, arms wrapped around herself nervously. She was wearing more make up than he’d ever seen her wear, and her hair was pushed forward, floating down her shoulders. It took his breath away how beautiful she was. “Murphy told me you were here. I thought we could talk?”

“Yeah, I could do with a rest” He lead her over to the benches, she hesitated before sitting so close to him. “Finn didn’t cause you any shit when you went home, did he?”

“No, no. I just wanted to apologise for the other night. I was bang out of order leading you on like that, it wasn’t fair, I was being selfish” her voice was sad and quiet.

“No, I’m sorry for blowing up the way I did. It was a bad reaction, especially after everything you told me. You never said this was a long term thing, you never said it was anything. It’s just…I like you, Clarke. I really like you. You’re kind, and gentle and caring. You’re possibly the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen – and I’ve seen a lot”

She laughed, a magical sound that filled his heart with joy. He wanted to make her laugh for the rest of his life.

“I like you too. I swore when I started this would just be a job, just a way to get some quick cash then I could go. But you changed that, you make me question these plans I’ve got”

“I can protect you” He assured her “I swear to you, Clarke I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Even if you decide to go, I think I could probably follow you to the end of time”

She laughed again, this time shy and embarrassed. “So please, don’t stop kissing me”

“That sounds like a reasonable request” She smirked, a playful glint in her eyes

“I’m glad you agree, want to go make out in Pikes office?”

“Absolutely” She grinned, he pulled her up off the bench, bringing his mouth to hers. Her arms flung around his neck, her tongue pressing desperately against his. He pulled away and hoisted her over his shoulder. She laughed in surprise 

“Bellamy! Put me down!”

“Whatever you say princess” he grinned as he strode towards pikes office, feeling like a rebellious teenager again. He set her down on pikes oversized oak desk, she wrapped her legs around his waist, grinning into his lips.

He was fucked.


	8. Chapter 8

The morning was bright and warm, sunlight filtered through the too thin curtains he was meant to replace in the summer to stop the light coming through at 6am. But today, he didn’t mind. Today he’d have cursed himself if he’d have slept in late and missed the sound of Clarkes gentle sighs in her sleep, if he’d have missed the opportunity to trace his fingertips along the spine of her bare back, the bruises that marred her skin now gone.

Even the thumb print under her jaw had gone, with the ring of purple that she’d hid with makeup and refused to tell him how it happened. He had a pretty good idea it involved her staying with him.

Clarke had told him of a new plan, it had taken a few attempts for him to even consider it.

But Murphy talked him around. 

Moving to Polis, he could find her again. Maybe not straight away, but he could – and would – come after her. 

So she’d bugged her apartment, microphones dotted about. Took photos of her bruises and documented when and why he lashed out at her.

Bellamy hated that plan.

He’d sat in front of the computer for hours, researching domestic violence cases. It made him sick. The statistics of how many men actually did any jail time were disgustingly low. Even with as much evidence as Clarke had against Finn, it would depend on the judge. Most got a slap on the wrist.

Bellamy had begged and pleaded with her. He hated that she was putting herself in danger to get evidence. Hated that even after all this at best she’d get a restraining order, he’d maybe get a couple of years. Bellamy wanted to break his neck.

All he wanted to do was pack her up in the middle of the night and take her far, far away, then beat the living shit out of Finn.

Clarke told him not to be stupid, he’d be the one getting arrested, not Finn.

She didn’t oppose to the running away part, though.

She stirred under his gaze, smiling sleepily “what time is it?” Her voice was raspy and unbelievably sexy, it was unfair, really that she was this attractive when she’d only just woke up.

“Too early to be awake” He smiled, pushing her hair out her face.

“So why are you?”

Because he didn’t want to miss a moment of this, of peace and serenity. He didn’t want to miss how full his heart felt when she was asleep next to him, safe and calm. “Got to get to training”

Clarke bit her lip, pulling the sheets around her bare chest, she sat up against the headboard. She wanted to say something, but she was holding back, he could see it in her eyes. She did a lot of that.

“Just say it” he sighed. When she got like this, he knew he wouldn’t like what she was about to say. She wasn’t good at holding back on how she really felt. 

“I don’t think you should fight tomorrow”

Bellamy pinched the bridge of his nose. It was an internal argument he was having with himself, along with the arguments from Clarke and Pike – like an angel and devil sitting on his shoulder. Pike telling him he had to get back out there, that he couldn’t let this fluke ruin his career. Clarke was hesitant about him going back, she saw the emotional damage, the haunted look the following days every time he tried to fight. He’d been laid bare in front of her, his deepest fears spat out and she came back to him. 

Maybe he wasn’t unlovable.

“I know you don’t. But I have to, I have to face this and prove I can do it again”

“Who are you proving it to? There is no one worth proving shit to if its going to break you” she snapped, anger flaring in her blue eyes.

“Myself, Clarke. I need to get over this fear”

“No, you don’t. It’s perfectly rational to be scared after what happened. Hell i’m scared for you! Its okay to take a break, Bellamy.” Her eyes were pleading, she gripped his hand, he looked down - how small her hands were compared to him, how smooth and pale her skin was next to his dark, freckled imperfect hands.

“I know, okay I know. But I have to do this for me” he could feel his temper flaring, not with Clarke, but with the situation. That stupid kid and his stupid heart condition. That stupid, idiotic doctor that allowed him to carry and not even react properly when his heart stopped. 

“I’m just worried about you” She murmured, wrapping her arm around his back. He leant his head on her shoulder, breathing in her smell

“You’re worried about me” he snorted

“Yes. What happened was traumatic. I wish it never happened to you but it did and nothing can change that, but you need time to heal. I’m worried you’re going to go out there and make a mistake because you’re stuck in your head worried you’re going to kill someone. I cant bare the thought of you getting hurt. I hate having to patch you up at the best of times”

He sighed “I get it. I get being worried, hell i’m worried about you everyday of the week. Maybe its our cross to bear, being worried”

“I hope not” She smiled “I hope one day we wont have these fears anymore”

He kissed her hair, soft and silky. “One day soon, princess” he promised “One day soon”.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

It was his last practice session before the location reveal, and he wasn’t holding back. Raven, Murphy, Miller and Monty sat around the edge, watching him intently, much like the first training session he’d done after the incident. He drowned them out, though. Concentrating on his technique, his stance, where his punches were going, when to defend.

He barley noticed the door opening, and someone new coming into the room, but it would have been hard for Clarke to escape his notice. She placed herself awkwardly in the corner, away from everyone else, like the first time she’d come into his dressing room, she looked like she just wanted to fade away into the walls. 

 

“What’s she doing here now?” He heard raven mutter, not the usual, confrontational shouts he was used to, and less venom than it was said before, but displeased none the less.

“I invited her” Pike called over to them. Bellamy stared in shock. He hadn’t told anyone about him and Clarke, he’d been vague whenever anyone asked about them, didn’t tell them the nights she spent with him, how intimate they were or how strong his feelings are.

“Why?” He didn’t mean it as rude, or to come out as sharp as it did. Clarke rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

“I wanted a doctor to check you out before you go back, the committee will appreciate it” 

Dread settled in his stomach. Pike hadn’t had many conversations with Clarke, didn’t know her, and she definitely wasn’t Nyko, who would’ve signed him off even if his arm was hanging out it’s socket.

“Great” Bellamy muttered, knowing full well she wouldn’t sign him off. “Round four then” he got into stance, determined to prove that he could do this.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Clarke’s Sordid expression, her nose wrinkled and lips tight. 

He went a few rounds with Pike, giving his best.

“So” pike called over to her, overly confident “what do you think?”

“I’m not signing him off” she called back, eyes determined and strong. Pike huffed out in annoyance, angrily ripping off his gloves

“Oh come on!” Raven snapped, striding over to her “like you’re some boxing expert?!”

“I never claimed to be” she shrugged “but my opinion on it is that he’s hesitating, and he’ll end up getting hurt”

“A word” was the response from Pike, tense and tight. 

Bellamy couldn’t hear what they were saying, but the conversation got more and more heated, voicing being raised more and more, he still couldn’t make out words, but he could hear the argumentative tone. He held his breath, they seemed to be talking for an age before Pike finally nodded tersely, striding back to Bellamy.

“You can fight” he told him, but Bellamy had a feeling there was more to be said.

“But” he promoted, waiting for the bad news.

“But we have to forfeit Clarke as a doctor” he shrugged “it’s alright though, she’s already found a replacement”

Bellamy looked over to where Clarke and Murphy were having a quiet conversation. No way was he fighting without her there. 

“Outside” he muttered to her, storming through the door into the hallway. Clarke followed, he turned angrily to her “you’re forfeiting as my doctor” it came out as an accusation, not a question.

She nodded, looking down at the ground “I can’t do it, Bellamy. I can’t go out and watch you fight knowing you’re putting yourself in more danger than you already do”

He huffed out what was meant to be a sigh, but came out more like a grunt. “I’m not putting myself in danger, Clarke. It’s what I always do. It’s what I train everyday to do, if anything I’ll be more on my game”

“When you’re fighting with Pike! How’s it going to be when it’s a complete stranger out there? When you’ll be too scared to make a hit in case the same thing happens? I know it won’t, what happened with Atom was a one in a million chance, but it’s in your head now, it’s always going to be in your head. I know it’s all you’ll be thinking about and I can’t sit back and watch you do that to yourself”

Bellamy stopped in shock, the strangest feeling coming over him. He’d never had someone care so passionately, never had someone who thought about him like that; that he was a human, not just some kid who brought in money from a foster home, or a boxing prodigy who’d get his name out there. He was a person to be cared about, she thought about his feelings, his wellbeing, she wanted him to be safe. He closed the gap between them, taking her face in his hands he closed the space between them, his mouth desperately finding hers. Her hands gripped the front of his shirt, soaked with sweat but she didn’t seem to pay any attention to that. Her tongue pushed its way into his mouth, dancing over his.

He pulled away, before he couldn’t stop himself from taking it further. Resting his forehead against hers, they took a moment to catch their breath.

“I can do this” he whispered, her eyes were screwed shut, internally fighting with herself. He knew she was holding her tongue “What I can’t do is not have you out there. I cant fight without you by my side. I don’t trust anyone else, not after Atom – his doctor probably would have let him die”

He didn’t think she was going to answer, for a minute he wondered whether she’d been listening at all. But finally she nodded.

“Okay” She whispered, voice shaken “I’ll do it, but I’m not happy about”

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

The atmosphere in the dressing room was buzzing, Bellamy had more sure his anxiety about he fight would not be making an appearance here. Instead, he was overly confident, cocky and smug. Clarke wasn’t here yet, but she’d text him saying she was coming so he wasn’t worried. 

Murphy assured him they’d stocked up on Champagne, Bellamy snorted and patted him on the back. 10 minutes until he had to go out there. He wouldn’t think of Atom, he promised himself that what happened last time would stay locked in the back of him mind, a box he’d never open again.

Clarke sought him out and wrapped her arms around him, murmuring “Are you alright?”

He laughed and nodded “I’m fine, Clarke. I’m not going to freeze”

She huffed against his ear, “Just don’t hesitate, yeah?” She stepped back, his arms ached where she they’d held her.

He kissed her head “I won’t”

“Good” She nodded “I need to talk to Pike before you go on. Hit straight or whatever” She smirked, Bellamy laughed and watched her stride towards pike.

 

 

Lincoln was a lot bigger than him. A lot. It didn’t worry Bellamy so much, he knew his technique was sound and his defence was solid, but he was a bit intimidated. Lincoln just looked down at Bellamy with a dispassionate stare as they tapped gloves. Lincoln wasn’t putting on a hyped up show, he was calm and stoic, no particular expression coming over his face. If anything, he looked at Bellamy like he was an annoying bug he was going to swat off his arm. 

Bellamy when in hard and fast, that was his first mistake. He’d assumed Lincoln would be all attack and no defence, but he was wrong. He deflected every shot Bellamy made without even breaking a sweat. 

Every time there was a break, Pike had told Clarke not to go to the ring, that he wasn’t injured and she wasn’t needed. Bellamy gritted his teeth, he was exhausted and had to deal with Clarke and Pikes feud when all he wanted to do was assure her he was okay. He could see her ringside next to Murphy, concern bright in her eyes.

Lincoln didn’t even attempt an attack until the sixth round.

But when he did, Bellamy knew he’d have to up his game. Lincoln was powerful, and found holes in his defence Bellamy didn’t even know he had. But Bellamy was quicker, one of the advantages of being leaner. He got one, two, three hits in, his last one to Lincolns face, and stumbled back.

Bellamy’s heart stopped as Lincoln was replaced by Atom, he was hitting the floor and not coming back. Pike was holding Clarke back, and he was dead. 

He came back to reality as Lincoln hit the side of his head, Bellamy went don hard, his head bouncing off the floor. Something wet and warm pooled around his head. It took him too long to realise it was blood. There was shouting around him, but it was muffled, like he was drowning – oh god, was he drowning? Black spots were taking over his vision, it would have been so easy to succumb to the darkness. But there was an angel in front of him, light and beautiful, shouting his name, cradling his face – bringing him back to reality. 

“Did I die and go to heaven” He muttered as she helped him sit up, Clarke scoffed. Miller held him under his arm and helped Clarke drag him back to the dressing room, quick as Lincolns team was celebrating around them. 

They dumped him unceremoniously into a chair in the corner, Clarke inspected his head, a clinical look on her face. 

“This needs stitches” she told him, voice monotone.

Bellamy frowned through the glaring headache “Aren’t you just going to glue it?”

“Glues fine for small cuts, this is too deep, its bleeding too much, I don’t even have any anaesthetic with me”

“I’ll be fine” he grunted “Nyko never used to use it”

She frowned, but didn’t say anything, just bent down to her medical bag and got out what she needed to.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay with this? It’s a deep cut, you should probably go to the hospital” Her tone was softer now, looking over him in concern.

“I’m fine” he assured her “No hospitals, just do it”

She nodded tersely and started stitching, it stung, but nothing he couldn’t handle. He waited for the lecture off Clarke, the I told you so speech, but it never came. Instead she was silent, every so often he’d look and see tears welling in her eyes, but she’d blink them away as fast as they came.

He brushed his thumb across her cheek, she was wearing make up again, a thought that hurt his heart, that she might be hiding something from him. But it wasn’t that kind of pain in her eyes, it was the betrayal of asking him not to fight and him going ahead and doing it anyway, getting injured in the process. 

“Done. I still think you should go to he hospital, make sure you don’t have a concussion”

“I’m fine, princess” he sighed, she nodded, then turned on her heel, stalking away from him, grabbing her purse on the way out.

“Clarke, wait!’ He tried to call after her, but Murphy anchored him down.

“You’re not going anywhere with your head like that. She’s probably right about the concussion” Murphy’s hand never left his shoulder, holding him in place. Bellamy looked after Clarke, but she was long gone. “Just give her some time, she’ll around”

Time, Bellamy thought it was easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh I took so long writing this chapter! Please come shout at me on tumblr @excuseyouclarke to get this finished!


	9. Chapter 9

Clarke paced furiously outside, taking a drag of one of Finns stupid organic cigarettes she steals when she’s stressed. 

“Shouldn’t you know better, as a doctor and all?” A voice came from behind her, not Murphy or Bellamy as she was expecting. Clarke spun around, faced with Raven, who was nervously leaning at the edge of the doorway.

“I know the risks” She snapped back at her. Of course she did, but when she wasn’t thinking straight, the relief outweighed the risk.

“If you say so” Raven shrugged, moving closer now. Whatever bullshit pseudo friendship they once had was long flushed away. Clarke had doubted Raven would even stay in the same vicinity as her, yet here she was, standing just feet away from where Clarke where was having an internal crisis. 

“What do you want?” Clarke snapped, turning to her. Raven looked taken aback, she didn’t really know Clarke, she didn’t know her temper or inability to not say what she’s thinking.

“He’ll be alright, he’s stronger than you think. He’s had head injuries before and come back fine” Ravens voice was soft and calm, like she was talking to an injured bird, which Clarke was not.

“I don’t give a shit about his head, Raven” Clarke scoffed, taking another drag “I care about the fact he panicked when he hit Lincoln and got himself knocked down. The injury will heal this time, but what about next time, and the time after? What about when he’s the one who’s taken too many hits and doesn’t come back up? Did you think about that?” 

Raven stared at her, wide eyed and mouth agape, shocked that Clarke Griffin, privileged scholarship prodigy child would would talk back like that, had a temper that was less than the perfect child her parents had raised her to be.

“Of course you didn’t” Clarke concluded for her.

“You care about him” Raven nodded, like she’d just confirmed some long held hypothesis. Clarke just stared at her, trying to figure out where she was going with this. “Let me ask you this then, if you care so much about his, why are you still with Finn?”

“I’m not with Finn” Clarke spat

“Yeah? Then why do you still go back to him? You tell Bellamy you’ve broken up, but you still live with him, still go back to him. Sounds like you can’t let go to me, just like before” Raven was calm, her tone eerily even and taunting, staring Clarke down like she was a bug to be squashed.

“We’re broken up, it’s nothing to do with you. Why do even care, Raven?” Clarke turned on her, anger washing over her - who the hell was she to judge her decisions when she didn’t know her?

“Because I don’t want Bellamy to get wrapped up in you when you’re only going to hurt him” Raven made it sound like she was doing her a favour, doing all of them a favour if she just disappeared from their lives. She probably would be. “You’re going to have to leave one of them at some point, and I know it wont be Finn, you still love him”

“I don’t love him. I hate him – with every fibre of my being I wish he’d just die”

“Then why do you still lie with him?”

“Because he’ll kill me” Clarke screamed, her voice cracking under the effort. “You don’t know what he’s like anymore, you don’t know what he does”

“Clarke I – ”

“Just go” Clarke snapped, not wanting to hear anymore of this, her heart was already breaking over Bellamy, she didn’t need to explain herself to Raven. “Go!”

Raven slammed the door behind her, but Clarke took no notice. Her mind raced back to Bellamy, how could she have been so stupid to let him fight? Knowing full well he wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready to watch him fight, either. She wasn’t ready to watch him put itself in danger like that, but there she was, ringside having her heart ripped out her chest as he went down. What if he never came back up again? What if he was like Atom, had some sort of undiagnosed heart condition and she wasn’t there to save him? It was too much to think about.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d stood outside, angrily pacing every so often, but eventually – well past the sun setting and darkness settling over the packed car park – the door flung open, and out came Bellamy, Miller by his side, hand gripping his elbow to steady him. Clarke caught his other elbow as they came past, allowing him to lean on her too.

“What are you doing?” He grumbled, but leaned into her anyway. 

“What does it look like? I’m helping, you shouldn’t be alone tonight, either. You should be in the hospital – ”

“No hospitals” He snapped

“ – But since you’re being a stubborn ass, I’ll have to babysit you, make sure you don’t die in your sleep”

“Oh princess” he smirked as she helped him into Millers car “you don’t need an excuse to come to bed with me”

Miller laughed out loud, sliding into the drivers seat, Clarke smirked as she sat in the backseat “I’m supposed to be mad at you, don’t make me laugh”

Bellamy just turned and winked from the front seat. 

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

He was probably perfectly capable of undressing himself, but Clarke was more than happy to assist anyway. Her breath stuttered at the intensity of his stare as she pulled his shirt over his head.

“You’re so beautiful” He murmured, Clarke blushed crouched down and pulled his shoes off.

“Think you can take your own shorts off?”

“Absolutely not” He smirked up at her, she rolled his eyes and slowly helped him stand up. She tried to breathe normal as she pulled his shorts down, leaving him in nothing but his tight Calvin Klein boxers. She took her time looking over him, the scattering of freckles over his arms and chest, the lean muscles of his abs were a work of art. When his hands grasped her hips, she looked up to his face, perfect except the stitches on his forehead. Clarke had never felt like this before, not with Finn, not with anyone. She cupped over hand over his cheek, thumb running over the stubble on his jaw as he leant down to press his mouth to hers.

He was the sun, and she was Icarus, dying to get too close.

He sat slowly on the bed, cradling her between his legs, only breaking the kiss when he pulled her shirt over her head and discarded it with his own clothes on the floor. He unclamped her bra with too much ease, but she didn’t think too hard about that – about anything but his lips of hers. He undid the button of her jeans, pushing them down her legs, she kicked them to the side.

God she wasn’t meant to fall in love with him.

“We should stop” She panted, reluctantly pulling away “We cant go too far, with your head injury”

He paused, then nodded, which confirmed that his head probably hurt like a bitch. She pulled on one of his shirts from his draw, and went to find painkillers from he kitchen. A sharp pain shot through her ribs, but she ignored it. Tonight was not the night to be thinking about Finn waiting for her at home. When she eventually turns up, she pays for it. She’ll get away from him soon. So, so soon.

In the bedroom, Bellamy was already lay down, eyes closed and face peaceful. “Hey” She whispered, he half sat up as she pushed the painkillers into his hand with a glass of water “Take these and you can go to sleep”

“I thought you weren’t meant to sleep with a head injury” He muttered as he swallowed the pills. 

Clarke just smiled, pulling the cushion up behind her so she could sit up next to him. “Your body heals best when you’re asleep. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure nothing happens in your sleep”

He put his head on her chest, closing his eyes and draping an arm over her stomach. “You’re too kind”

Clarke laughed softly, running her fingers through his soft brown curls. There was a question that was burning through her, she knew it could probably wait until morning, but she wanted to know now.

“Bellamy” He hummed in response, half asleep already. “Why were you so against going to the hospital?”

He didn’t answer straight away, then, without looking up or opening his eyes, he said “the last time I saw my mom was in the hospital, she’d been dead for hours, she was dead as soon as she hit the pavement after she was flung from her car. I didn’t believe the social workers when they said she was dead, I insisted on seeing her, I was adamant it wasn’t her. God I wish I’d have just accepted it, she was black and blue, not even from the accident – my step dad used to beat her, she crashed her car on purpose. Whenever I think about hospitals, her ghost haunts me”

Clarke’s heart shattered, what could she say to that? The vision of little Bellamy, heart broken after his mothers death and in denial, looking at his mothers broken, dead body must have been traumatising. She kissed his head, his eyes still shut, maybe he’d gone to sleep. “I’ll keep you safe” she promised.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

Night shifts were killing her this week. The days were getting hotter and it was harder to sleep with the sweltering heat of the bed room and the sunlight that didn’t seem to let up until hours after she’d started work.

Now it was 2am, and she was trying to sneak in a coffee before she was paged again. The emergency room was a nightmare of a summer, full of kids who fall out of trees and barbecue accidents. She’d managed to drink almost half a mug when Jackson called her. She sighed and set her Coffee down, knowing it would be stone cold by the time she got back to it.

“I need your help” Jackson smiled sheepishly, handing her a chart. “Female, in her mid twenties hit by a car. Possible fractured ribs, sprained ankle and head trauma”

“Okay” Clarke nodded “And you need my help for?”

Jackson sighed, rubbing the back of his neck “She won’t talk to anyone, won’t let anyone treat her, tried to bite one of the nurses. I figured you’re the best at dealing with these situations” He smiled apologetically at her, muttering “Cubicle four, have fun”

Clarke took her chart and stood outside the cubicle for a moment, preparing herself for what could be behind the curtain. She’d dealt with everything that was thrown at her, extreme aggression, over dramatic wailing and the lashing out every time she touched someone, but the worst were the stoic ones, the ones that didn’t respond to pain, the ones who’d gone past caring about their injuries – they reminded her of herself.

Gently sliding the curtain open, she put on her best reassuring smile. The girl sat on her bed was maybe 23, long, dark hair fell down her shoulders, heavy with grease and dirt. Her skin was dotted with fresh cuts and bruises along with smatterings of dirt. Her clothes were torn and ragged, Clarkes heart broke a little bit for her.

“Hi” Clarke said as softly as she could. “I’m Clarke, can you tell me your name?” Screw the Dr Griffin business, Clarke had always hated that anyway.

The girl just stared at her, her eyes wide and untrusting, then slowly shook her head.

“Okay, well you’ve got a nasty cut on your head, can I look at it? I might need to close it”

She shook her head again, and Clarke sighed, slowly moving closer to the bed, then sitting next to the girl, not too close that she’d freak out, but close enough that she could touch her if she needed to.

“You know, my friends a boxer, he got a cut very similar to the one on your head. I had to stitch it up without any anaesthetic, he said it only stung a bit. I can put the anaesthetic in here” Clarke gently brushed the girls hair out the sticky cut, getting a better look – definitely needed stitches, and a good clean up, too. “you’ll feel a little scratch, and you’ve already got enough of them that you probably wont even care about that one. You’ll barely have a scar.”

There was a minutes silence before the girl finally spoke up “I have a friend who’s a boxer, too”. Her voice was high and a bit raspy, like she hadn’t used it in a while. Around them, the noises of the manic ED filtered through the curtain, but it didn’t seem to phase the girl, she was lost in her own thoughts. “I came here to find him, but it’s like he’s a ghost. I cant find find him anywhere. Ive got no where to go, I didn’t think this plan through, Ive got nobody” a tear slid down her cheek, Clarke moved slowly to brush it away.

“It’s okay” She soothed, “I can help you, you need to help me though.” The girl nodded reluctantly “Can you tell me your name please?”

The girl took a deep breath, like she was debating even telling Clarke “Octavia Arbor”

“Alright, Octavia, I’m just going to look at your head first, is that okay?” Octavia nodded.

One of the nurses had already got the trolly ready to put stitches in, so Clarke got the Saline so she could clean the wound. Octavia flinched a little, but didn’t shy away or try and attack Clarke, so she carried on. Happy that the wound was clean, she injected the Anaesthetic and stitched her head up in silence. She checked over her ribs and ankle.

“They’re going to need an x-ray doing, I’m pretty confident your ribs are broke, but I’m not sure abut your ankle. I’d like a CAT scan on your head too, make sure you haven’t got a concussion”

Octavia nodded “I had an x-ray on my arm when I was a kid, I tried to jump off the table to the counter. My mom went crazy”

Clarke laughed “That sounds like a sure way to break some bones. I’ll go sort that for you now, do you need anything?” Octavia shook her head, Clarke went straight to reception.

Anya gave her a rare smile – even more rare for a night shift – and said “So you tamed the wild girl?”

“Yeah, she wasn’t too bad. I think she’s homeless, can you look her up on the system? Octavia Arbor. I need to go sort out x-rays for her” Anya nodded.

The name was familiar to Clarke, not Arbor – she was pretty sure it was Latin for Tree, but Octavia. It was somewhere in the back of her mind, maybe a half asleep conversation with someone.

 

Clarke had other patients to deal with, a burnt arm from someone throwing fireworks into a bonfire. A case of alcohol poisoning mixed with sun stroke – she hated summer almost as much as she hated New Years. 

“Hey – Clarke” Anya called as she walked past, trying to sneak in another coffee “Cubicle fours results are back, x-ray said they’ll brief you, but the name that girl gave you doesn’t exist”

Clarke frowned “Doesn’t exist – like at all?”

“At all” Anya confirmed “No birth records, no previous admissions, nothing”

“That’s not right, she told me she had an x-ray as a kid, that would be on her file”

“Maybe she gave you a fake name” Anya shrugged “If you’re right about her being homeless, maybe she got involved in something bad?”

“I’ll talk to her after I’ve been briefed. Thanks, Anya”

Clarke rubbed her eyes in frustration, she thought maybe she was getting somewhere with her, but obviously she’d just taken two steps back. 

X-ray confirmed her theory, three cracked ribs, but no break on her ankle. Her head had a small contusion, but nothing to be too concerned about.

She grabbed some bandages and tape on the way back to the cubicle, wondering how to bring up her name without scaring her off. She couldn’t very well go in saying ‘hello Octavia, if that is even your name’, she would run a run a mile, even on a sprained ankle. 

“Hey, Octavia” She smiled as she slipped through the curtain, Octavia was lay down, looking peaceful for the first time. She sat up as Clarke entered the room, eyeing her warily. “So, you’ve got three cracked ribs, there’s nothing I can do about them, you just need to make sure you’re resting. Your ankles sprained but no breaks, so that’s good. I’ll wrap it up before you go. There’s a small Contusion on your brain, similar to a bruise – but it’s nothing to be concerned about” Octavia nodded, looking down at her dirty fingernails. “Lay down” Clarke told her “You looked comfy. I’ll wrap your ankle, then we’ll sort out what will happen after”

Octavia didn’t question it, she just lay back down and closed her eyes. She was in desperate need of a wash, but there was little Clarke could do in ED, she can’t admit her and send her to a ward with showers. The best she could do was find a homeless shelter. She could probably get Octavia to hang around until after her shift and she’d drive her. She needed to find out about her name, though. If she was hiding something she wanted to know. Clarke wondered if she was like her, out a bad relationship, left with nothing and forced to live on the streets. Is that who the boxer was? An abuser? Or was she running to him, like Clarke ran to Bellamy.

“So” Clarke started conversationally “What did the car do to you that you had to beat it up like that?”

Octavia laughed, then coughed. It was probably hell on her ribs – Clarke knew the feeling. “They didn’t have their headlights on, I didn’t see them coming” Clarke nodded, it was probably a likely story, but something still sat wrong with her. 

“So how did you end up in Arcadia? You don’t sound like you’re from here”

“No, I’m from a tiny village further North, I was from here as a kid, but I got adopted when I was maybe ten, lived in Trikru ever since. My mom and sister died a couple of years ago, I came back, hoping to find a friend I made, but like I said, I cant find him now” Octavia never opened her eyes, but her voice broke ever so slightly talking about her mom and sister. 

“I’m sorry” she murmured, Octavia shrugged. Clarke continued wrapping her ankle in silence.

“Octavia, I ran a search on your name, but nothing came up, not medical records or anything. Is there another name you go by?” That was as subtle as she could be. 

Octavia frowned and sat up on her elbows “That’s strange, I always just assumed everything was changed over when Indra adopted me. My birth names Blake”

Clarke froze, her heart stopping in her chest “Your names Octavia Blake?” She asked slowly, making sure she had it absolutely right before she freaked out completely. 

“Yeah” Octavia shrugged “Haven’t used that name in ages though, you might find something from that”

Clarke laughed, then slapped her hand over her mouth. That’s where she knew the name from. Octavia the younger, Bellamy’s sister he’d lost in the system. It couldn’t be – it was too much of a coincidence, it had to be.

“What?” Octavia asked, looking over her like she’d gone mad. Hell, maybe she had.

“Before you were adopted, your name was Octavia Blake, did you have an older brother? Bellamy?”

Octavia froze, her mouth hanging open. “You know Bellamy?” She asked softly, eyes shining in unconcealed hope.

“Yeah, he’s my…friend. Octavia, he’s been looking for you for so long”

Tears ran down her cheeks “I thought I’d lost him. I haven’t seen him since we went into foster care. I’d almost forgot what he looked like. I didn’t think he wanted to know me, I thought he probably had a new family – he wouldn’t want to remember the little sister he was forced to raise”

“You know” Clarke grinned, taking her hand. She didn’t flinch away from her touch now, she gripped back “He says the same about you, that you wouldn’t want to know him now”

Octavia choked out a laugh, tears running in a steady stream down her face now. 

“I can call him, if you like?”

“Yes, no, I don’t know. Will he want to see me?”

“More than anything” Clarke assured her “I can get him to come to the hospital, give you a bit of time to prepare yourself? I wont tell him yet”

Octavia nodded, Clarke pulled out her phone, pressing Bellamy’s name. 

“Clarke? What’s wrong, what happened?” He garbled out too fast, Clarke felt a twinge of guilt for calling him at four in the morning, of course he assumed the worst.

“Nothings happened, calm down. I’m fine I just need you to come to the hospital, but don’t freak out, okay?” She tried to sound as soothing as possible, Octavia looked like she was about to have an anxiety attack.

“Clarke if he’s done anything to you I’ll murder him right now”

“Bellamy, calm. Just come to the hospital I promise I’m fine”

“Ill be ten minutes” He promised and hung up. Clarke smiled at Octavia

“I may have given him a heart attack there, I forgot it was so early in the morning. Do you want a drink or anything?”

“Just some water, please” she murmured, clearly lost in her own thoughts.

 

She heard Bellamy before she saw him as he crashed through the doors, demanding to see Clarke. Jackson got to him first. “Dr Griffins with a patient” He snapped, “You cant barge in here like this”

“It’s fine” Clarke jogged over, pulling Bellamy’s hand “I got this, thanks Jackson”

“What’s going on?” Bellamy demanded, pulling his hand out of hers and holding her shoulders, stilling her and looking her over “Are you hurt?”

“Not at all, but I’ve got someone you need to see” she grinned, anticipation rising in her

“Did Murphy get the crap beaten out of him? Cause Miller and me have a bet going on”

Clarke snorted, leading him to Octavia’s cubicle. “No, Murphy’s still intact. Keep calm, though, okay. Promise me?”

Bellamy’s eyes went wide “You killed Finn, didn’t you?”

“No! Bellamy!” She tapped his arm and he laughed 

“Just checking” he smirked

“Calm, okay?”

He nodded, and with a deep breath, she pulled him through the curtain. Octavia sat on the bed, head hung low; she slowly looked up, meeting Bellamy’s eyes.

“Octavia” He gasped, striding over and taking her face in his hands “It’s really you?”

She nodded, face wet with tears she threw her arms around his neck, he returned the hug tightly, Clarke wanted to tell him to be careful of her ribs, but she decided against it, knowing this was their moment she went to slip out when Bellamy stopped her. 

“Clarke” He tugged on her sleeve, pulling her hack to him. His mouth met hers, she took a moment to be unprofessional and kiss him back, her hands running over the muscles in his arms “Thank you” He murmured against her mouth.

“Ill got get her discharge forms” She untangled herself from his grip, squeezing his hand before she left them to their reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kudos and comments, It gives me life


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Graphic descriptions of domestic violence

It was well past sunrise when Bellamy finally flung open his apartment door, Octavia tucked under his arm, limping along with him.

He helped her on the sofa, promising to make up the spare room so she could sleep, god knows she probably needed it. When Clarke had called he’d assumed the worst, that Finn had beaten her into a hospital bed. He didn’t expect his little sister to be sitting in an emergency room cubicle. 

All the times he’d dreamt about seeing her again, he never thought it would be like this, never thought he’d be picking her up from the hospital. But that didn’t matter now, she was home safe with him where she was meant to be.

He knew she needed to sleep, he did too, but he couldn’t stop talking to her - they had over ten years to catch up on. Every time they thought about sleep one of them broached a different subject and the conversation carried on.

It wasn’t always easy talking, Octavia told him of the abuse shed dealt with after they were separated, the bullying in school, the foster families shame when she stopped talking and stopped eating. She was thrown from family to family until she was put with Indra, a hard faced woman who wouldn’t let Octavia give up on herself. Indra had eventually adopted her, but died in a tragic house fire while Octavia was at work. She’d followed a guy called Lincoln here, she’d heard about his fight after she’d been living on the streets in Arkadia for a few weeks, she was trying to find him when she was hit by a car.

He couldn’t get over the irony – she was unknowingly looking for his fight, then treated by Clarke.

“Fate really wanted us back together” She smiled sleepily at him.

He’d told her about his anger, he’d been kicked out of six schools, eight families had given up on him before Pike came along and introduced him to boxing, found him something to channel his anger into.

They fell asleep on the sofa around midday, only waking when there was a knock at the door. Bellamy frowned, the light was coming in the room at a funny angle, softer and lower than when they had fallen asleep. 

Clarke stood at the other side of the door, Bellamy’s eyebrows raised in surprise “early, aren’t we princess” he muttered, following after her. He never usually napped in the daytime, his bad mood was evidence of why.

“It’s seven in the evening” She quipped, sitting next to Octavia. She rooted around in her purse and came out with fresh bandages. “I’ll re wrap your ankle” She told Octavia with a gentle smile.

“Thanks” Octavia smiled, shifting so her leg was resting on Clarkes lap. Bellamy felt his bad mood drifting away as he watched Clarke and Octavia – something even in his wildest dreams he never thought he’d see. His heart felt fuller than – well, ever. 

“I’ll come back again tomorrow” She promised, kissing Bellamy’s cheek “It’s my last shift tonight, hopefully tomorrow won’t be such a fleeting visit”

“Hopefully not” He agreed “It’ll be nice to actually see you again. Besides, I need your help with something tomorrow”

She raised a perfect eyebrow and smirked “Sounds mysterious, I’ll see you tomorrow”

He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips and closed the door behind her, lingering for a moment until the scent of her perfume had gone.

“So your girlfriends hot” Octavia grinned as he sat next to her “a doctor too, how on earth did you bag her?”

Bellamy laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to rub the crick out “She’s not my girlfriend, it’s complicated”

“What’s complicated about it? She’s gorgeous and you’re not bad looking, you’d have the best looking babies”

It’s not like Bellamy hadn’t thought about it, of course he had. He had his and Clarkes entire future planned out, but he wasn’t about to admit that out loud. “She’s got a bit of a complicated life, she lives with her ex and he’s an ass”

“Oh” Octavia muttered “Yeah, don’t go with a girl who’s still sleeping with her ex, that only leads to heartbreak”

“She’s not sleeping with her ex” he scoffed

“She’s living with him, of course they’re sleeping together. Could you live with your ex and not sleep with her?”

He thought about Echo, as a couple they were incompatible, but in bed…

“She’s not sleeping with him” he insisted, his tone indicating the conversation was over. Octavia just shrugged, clearly not convinced but couldn’t be bothered to say anymore on the situation.

Bellamy went to make up the spare room, trying not to let Octavia’s quip about Clarke sleeping with Finn get to him. It was absurd, he’d seen the bruises himself and the way she flinched when someone touched her unexpectedly. He put it out his mind, of course Octavia didn’t know Clarke, she was just going off face value.

“Hey” He said, flopping back on the sofa next to her “I was going to order Chinese food in, what do you want?”

An amazed smile came over her face, the kind of a joyous kid waking up and seeing piles of presents from Santa. “I’ve never had Chinese food before”

Bellamy raised an eyebrow “Never?”

“Never” Octavia laughed with a shake of her head, “I never had it with any of my foster families, and Indra believed in only eating home cooked food. After she and Gaia died I never really had the luxuries of takeaways”

“Well, you’ve got them now” He smiled softly, god she looked so much like their mom when she smiled, it was a bittersweet ache in his chest that he never wanted to go away. “I’ll order what I usually have, there’s a Chinese buffet not far from here we can go to soon, you can really go wild there”

“Yeah, I’d like that” she smiled.

They’d be alright, he thought happily. She was back where she belonged.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

Octavia watched him practice everyday. 

He felt better with her there, he didn’t think of Atom going down anymore, he thought of protecting his sister. He and Clarke had managed to track down Lincoln through Roan, who went to the same gym as him. Octavia’s face had lit up as she ran into his arms. Gone was the straight faced intimidating boxer, he was replaced by someone soft and caring, holding Octavia tightly telling her over and over how he thought he’d never see her again.

Bellamy had a new found respect for the man, it made up for knocking him out last week.

He’d convinced Octavia to come to a few of his classes, and they spent their nights trying different takeaways.

Clarke had given him space to spend time with his sister, and though he missed her, he appreciated the time bonding. His friends, however were not as considerate. They gave him a few days, then swarmed him like bees.

So they sat around his apartment, eating Pad Thai and grilling Octavia – who seemed to be enjoying the attention.

“No pretty doctor tonight?” She asked, feigning innocence.

Raven scoffed, Murphy just rolled his eyes. “No” Bellamy muttered “She’s at work”

“Yeah” Octavia smirked, eyes sparkling “Work. Totally not spending the night with her ex”

Raven snorted “I said the same. And she doesn’t even know Clarke and Finn”

“They’re not sleeping together. He’s an abusive ass” Bellamy defended, he wasn’t ready for this argument again.

“People sleep with assholes all the time” Octavia shrugged “also, I know loads of girls who’ve lied about an ex being abusive”

“She’s not lying” Murphy chided “We’ve seen the bruises on her arms”

“So they’re into some kinky shit. Look, I’m not saying it’s not happening, I’m just saying it’s definitely a possibility”

“This conversations over” Bellamy barked, collecting the empty takeaway containers and putting them in the bin.

Raven and Octavia shared a look, but didn’t say anything further on the matter – yet anyway.

Bellamy knew better than to let them get to him, but he couldn’t help it – the seed had been planted in his mind.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

Clarke squeezed her eyes shut, the room wasn’t dark enough, and Finn was making too much noise in the kitchen. She had the worst headache she could ever remember having. She knew she had to sleep it off, but sleep was impossible when she was in this much pain.

Her mind ran a hundred miles an hour, no matter how much she tried to turn it off, it thought of something new to stress her out. 

She huffed and rolled over, checking her phone again. Bellamy still hadn’t text back, he’d been distant since Octavia had come home, and she understood, of course she did. It was his long lost sister, she was thrilled for him. So she promised him some space after she’d finished wrapping her ankle for a few days. She’d found a support Octavia could put on herself so Clarke didn’t have to keep barging in on them catching up.

But the last few days he’d barely responded to her texts, and when he did they were short, sharp answers that gave her no information whatsoever. She’d found out more from Murphy, who told her his boxing practice had improved greatly since Octavia had come back, and he was definitely fighting on Saturday.

That was that. Bellamy hadn’t told her he was fighting, she hadn’t seen him since they’d got in touch with Roan to find Lincoln, that was over a week ago. She missed him like crazy, and as much as she respected he needed time with his sister, she also wanted to lock herself in a room with him and shred his clothes off.

He finally text her back just after midnight, telling her everyone had come around again to catch up before the fight Saturday, despite it being two days away. There was no mention of seeing her before then, her last shift was tomorrow afternoon, but she shrugged it off, deciding to stop over thinking it, she’ll see him Saturday and work whatever the hell was going on then.

From the kitchen, a glass shattering finally made her throw the covers off and venture out. She’d been in bed for hours and sleep still hadn’t come.

“What’s going on?” She asked as Finn was stepping back from the mess on the floor. The smell of cheap whiskey hit her nose, the floor was littered with broken glass and amber coloured liquid.

“It fell” Was Finns only response, he sway a bit on the spot – drunk again. She needed more painkillers, but no way was she going to try and tiptoe her way across now.

She sighed “just clean it up okay?”

“You clean it up” he shot back, glaring from the other side of the kitchen “you’re the only one bothered about it”

“Finn” she tried, but his glare shut her up.

“How’s your head now?”

“Still hurts” she muttered “I came to get some painkillers but there’s glass in the way”

Finn shrugged “clean it up then”

She didn’t want a fight, not when he was drunk and there was glass on the floor. “No, thanks. I’m going back to bed” 

“Suit yourself. It’ll still be there in morning” he called after her as she slammed the bedroom door, making her headache worse.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

She was late. 

If there was one thing Clarke hated being it was late. But their landlord had been there for ages, looking over the apartment critically, taking photo of every little scratch and dent and anything out of place. She wanted nothing more than to tell him it wasn’t her who had done it, but she wouldn’t dare. Not with Finn still on a bender from Thursday. 

She’d had to clean up the Glass Friday morning, Finn was passed out on the sofa clutching as bottle of half drank vodka. She cursed herself for being such a pushover. She wondered what the hell she was doing, where the hell was she going with her life? She should have left ages ago, just packed up her stuff and left where he couldn’t find her.

But he would, she knew there was no way Finn would let her go like that, not after last time when he’d broken into a safe house and dragged her out, not letting her leave the apartment for days. That’s why she needed as much evidence as she could get, even if he didn’t serve time, she could get a restraining order against him. 

Her headache still hadn’t gone. 

Luckily, Bellamy’s match was walking distance from her apartment, she and Finn had to fight over who was going to use the bathroom after the landlord had finally left – she’d come out victorious, and rushed out the apartment before Finn could resurface.

Murphy had text her location and password to get in, so after a record breaking rush, she finally breezes into his changing room, earning a glare from Raven.

“Sorry I’m late” she stood on her tiptoes to kiss Bellamy, but he turned his head and she caught his cheek.

“Where were you? I was beginning to think you weren’t coming” he demanded, his tone a shade cooler than usual.

“The landlord made a surprise visit, one of the neighbours complained about Finn and he took photos of everything in the apartment. We’ve got to replace to door handle he ripped off but – ” she cut herself off. He was staring at her funny, almost critically, like he was trying to figure out if she was lying or now “ – you don’t need to hear about all that” she finished lamely, feeling awkward. She turned to Octavia, who was sitting on a plastic chair next to Raven.

“How’s your ankle?”

“Fine” she shrugged “almost as good as new”

“Good” Clarke smiled back, but it wasn’t returned. She felt like maybe she’d interrupted something – she definitely got a frosty feeling from the room. “Don’t put too much pressure on it, sprains can take a while to heal”

Octavia saluted her and rolled her eyes, Raven snickered – that was a great friendship in the making.

“Right, okay” Clarke muttered “who are you fighting? She asked Bellamy, who was still looking at her like she wasn’t supposed to be there.

“Some guy called Marcus Kane, older guy. I can take him” his tone was bored and passive.

“Marcus Kane?” She asked in disbelief, Bellamy nodded “you don’t need me here, right?” Bellamy shook his head, a question burning in his eyes that he wouldn’t ask. “I’ll see you ringside” she turned to run out, making it past the curtain and ran straight into his opponents dressing room.

“Kane!” She called out, he was sitting on a chair, rolling his shoulders. He somehow looked younger now, like the weight of her mother had been lifted off his shoulders.

He stood up and hugged her tightly. Her father had died when she was fifteen, Marcus had somewhat taken over that role when he got with her Mother. She hadn’t seen him in years, not since the pills and the botched surgery issues. “What are you doing here?” He asked her with a laugh, looking over her.

“I needed some extra cash, I’m a doctor for Bellamy’s team” it was a bit more complicated than that, but he didn’t need to hear all of it when he was about to go out and fight. “You look great” she told him earnestly 

“You look tired” he smiled, putting a reassuring hand on her back. How she’d missed having a fatherly figure. Someone to look out for her and comfort her.

“I’m just working lots, I’m fine”

“Don’t work too much Doctor Griffin” he grinned “remember you’re still young. Have your er, spoken to your mother recently?”

Clarke shook her head, the old feeling of guilt crashing back.

“You should. You only get one mother, Clarke”

“I know. Anyway, I just came to wish you luck. I’ll be ringside” she gave him one last hug before going to join Murphy.

“You alright? I haven’t heard much from you this week” Murphy looked at her, concern bright on his face.

“I’m fine. My ex step dads fighting Bellamy, and Finns been on a bit of a bender, I’m trying not to piss him off too much”

Murphy nodded, looking straight ahead. 

“Is Bellamy alright? He seemed off” Clarke’s voice was quiet, concerned and maybe a little hurt.

“Yeah, his trainings been better than ever with Octavia here. He’s probably just nervous, first fight with his sister watching and all that” Clarke had known Murphy long enough that she knew when he was lying, but she didn’t push the subject. The lights were dimming and Queen was blasting through the speakers.

 

Bellamy fought better than she’d ever seen him. He was fast but graceful and precise. Marcus was good, he got a hit on Bellamy’s eyebrow which sent blood trickling down his face. Clarke was told just stick a bandaid over it and let him get on with it, like she didn’t know what her job was.

They made it to fifth round when Marcus failed to get up after the four counts, Bellamy was crowned victorious, and Clarke’s heart swelled with pride – for both of them. Bellamy for winning, and Marcus for going out and doing something now he’d left Abby – even if it was illegal fighting.

Bellamy was particularly hard to pin down, he seemed to avoid her every time she tried to get him to sit down so she could look at his head. Eventually he listened to her, she had to practically drag him away from Miller and Jasper, but she got him on a chair and pulled the bandaid off.

“It’s not too bad” she murmured, fingers lightly dancing over his brow “I can glue it, it’ll be neater”

“Just leave it” he snapped, “I don’t need you to do anything but let me go” she stepped back in shock. She’d never heard that tone from him before, he’d never once complained about her doing anything after a fight. It hit her then, like a ton of bricks had crashed into her chest, she couldn’t breathe she was so stupid. He didn’t want her anymore. That was the coldness in his tone, the frosty atmosphere, the lack of communication. He had a family now, someone to love him unconditionally and she was just a complication. Her whole life was an unnecessary complication that he didn’t need or want.

Why on earth would he want her anyway? She’d deluded herself into thinking maybe he liked her too. Maybe she was just someone to occupy his thoughts until something better came along. The rejection stung, but not as much as the shame that burnt through her. Finn was right, no one would want her. She damaged goods, she saw that now.

She stuck another bandaid over the cut “fine” she told him curtly “I’ll just leave then” she picked up her medical bag and stalked out. She felt like she was suffocating until she finally got up the stairs and out into the cool night. She took a shaky breath, cursing herself for getting attached. 

The door swung open behind her “Clarke” Bellamy called after her, but she wouldn’t turn around, wouldn’t let him see the tears in her eyes that threatened to spill over. “Wait, please – I didn’t mean it like that”

She took a shaky breath. Don’t cry, Clarke she told herself, don’t cry “it’s fine Bellamy, just go back to your celebrations”

“Clarke I’m sorry” he grabbed her arm, but she pulled it away. That stupid panic rose in her chest again. She hates herself for it. Hates herself for being so damn weak. “My heads been all over the place. I didn’t mean to snap at you”

She rubbed her temple, her headache pounding through her skull. “I said it’s fine”

“Hey, look at me” his tone was softer now, he touched her arm gently, she reluctantly turned, hoping her eyes didn’t betray her. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to upset you”

She nodded, she could understand him being a bit all over the place, his life had been turned upside down. “I know. I should go, though. Let you celebrate with your friends and sister”

He nodded, that critical look coming back into his eyes. “And you’re going where? Back home to Finn”

She froze. What the hell was this about? “I’m going home” she told him slowly. “Not to Finn, just home”

“But Finns there? Like he always is”

“Bellamy you know what the situation is. What are you getting at?” She snapped, not having the patience for this.

“Are you still sleeping with him?”

Clarke felt sick, bile rose in her throat “how can you ask me that? After everything I’ve told you?”

“It’s a one bed apartment, where does the other person sleep?” His voice was slow and demanding. Clarke couldn’t believe this was happening.

“On the sofa. Where’s all this come from?”

“I just find it hard to believe that you and Finn are in that tiny space together all the time and not doing anything. Especially after everything Raven told me about the two of you”

“And you’re taking Ravens on word over mine” it wasn’t a question, she knew he was. She knew Raven had got to him, wormed her way into his mind and planted doubt.

“I’m taking anyone’s word, I’m asking you” he told her carefully.

“And I’m telling you I’m not. You think I would after what I told you about him?” She demanded, her blood turning hot.

“That’s what you’ve said”

“How dare you?” She seethed “how dare you accuse me of lying when you’ve seen the bruises yourself”

He blew out a breath, dragging his hand through his hair. “I’m not saying you’re lying” he finally got out “I’m just – I’m not sure what to think”

“Think what you want” she spat “I’m leaving”

“Yeah back to Finn” he shouted after her. How did he have the nerve to accuse her of lying? What could she possibly have gained from it? It took everything she had to tell him what Finn had done to her and he threw it back at her like she was nothing. That’s what they were now, nothing. She was a fool to think that he’d keep her around. 

She walked around until the early hours of the morning, too agitated to go home and sit around, too annoyed to even look at Finn right now.

She eventually got home just before three, there was a lamp on in the living room, great. Finn was awake and probably drunk, and she was later than usual. She kicked off her shoes and threw her purse on the floor, padding into the living room. 

“Hey” she called to him, picking up the pile of mail on the coffee table she’d been avoiding. He was clutching an almost empty bottle of vodka, different to the other day, he’d probably drank all that tonight.

“Good night at work?” he smirked, staggering up off the sofa. She rolled her eyes and muttered

“Yeah, fine”

He grabbed her face and made her look directly at him, her stomach dropped, thinking if she could make a run for it. “That’s funny, cause I went to this fun little underground boxing match tonight” Clarke froze in fear, this couldn’t be happening. She didn’t see him there – but she also didn’t look into the crowd “and who’s there? But you and that man who came around to return your watch. You’ve been lying to months” he spat at her, anger clear in his eyes “you’ve been lying and sleeping around with some criminal”

She pushed him off her “you’re a hypocrite” she hissed “what does it have to do with you what I do when I’m not here? Nothing. That’s what. You’re nothing to me, you’re just a parasite drinking my money”

Her head slammed into the wall, blood gushed into her eyes, she wasn’t even sure how it happened, hadn’t even got her breath back when he kicked her in the ribs, hard. She bent over and wheezed, her breath felt like it was stuck in her chest. She managed to drag herself up, fight instinct kicking in. She went for his face, nails dragging down his cheeks, drawing blood that bloomed over the scratches. He shouted something that didn’t register in her brain. He kept shouting and shouting but she kept pushing him back, trying to get him far away from her.

He grabbed her arm, pulling it sharply behind her. She felt her shoulder pop as she screamed out in pain. 

“Stop please” she begged, tears running down her cheeks “stop” she shouted, too loud – the sound echoed around the room. He released her arm, she felt a crack in her wrist – it was definitely broke, along with her dislocated shoulder. She clutched her arm to her chest, hating that she was too weak to fight him back.

The was a pounding on the door, Finn froze, his breathing too heavy. “Police open up”

He snarled at her, diving down to rain punches on her face, arms, ribs – anywhere he could reach. Clarke put her good arm up, trying to grab him, claw him, anything.

“Help” She screamed “Help he’s killing me”

The door flew open with a crash, then Finn was being dragged off her and thrown to the ground. Somewhere, someone was screaming a bloodcurdling screech, it was only when the police officer tried to help her up she realised it was her who was screaming. She clamped her mouth shut with her hand, the other one was too painful to think about moving. She flinched away from the officer, too scared to be touched – she didn’t even want to be looked at. The other officer had Finn in handcuffs, hauling him off the floor.

“I’ll get you” He spat at her, “You and your boyfriend. I’ll fucking kill you next time I see you”

Clarke huddled on the floor and thought no, he’d already done it.


	11. Chapter 11

Bellamy stumbled through his apartment door at 2am, closely followed by Murphy, Raven, Miller, Jasper and Octavia. Pike had left them to their celebrations hours ago. He was buzzed enough that the shame of the argument he had with Clarke seemed like a distant memory, a haunting, stupid argument. 

He refused to think about it now. He couldn’t change what he’d said even if he wanted to. 

Jasper continued pouring champagne down everyone’s throat as soon as their cup was half empty – except Murphy, who was staying teetotal. Bellamy respected his decision, he knew Murphy was a different man when he drank, it had taken him a long time to overcome his addiction, no one wanted to be the one to make him fall off the wagon. 

By 4am, the music was turned down low, jazz crooning softly through the speakers as they sat around drinking the last dregs of champagne, only half paying attention to the game of poker they were supposed to be playing. He let alcohol take over him, the happy feeling that this was his family now, after years of not having anyone, he had an entire pack now.

Murphy’s phone rang out – loud and obtrusive, making Bellamy jump a little. He didn’t realise how far in his little bubble he’d got.

“Queen Anya” He boomed, grinning into the phone. “What can I do for you at four fifteen in the morning?”

The smile ran away from his face then, all eyes were on Murphy as he rubbed a hand hard over his face. “Anya I know I didn’t hear that right, it sounded like you said – ” he paused again, eyes growing wide as he stood, patting his pockets with his free hand “shit tell her I’m ten minutes away” 

“What’s going on?” Bellamy demanded, standing up with him.

“Finns been arrested” Bellamy’s blood ran cold “Clarkes in the hospital – where the fuck are my keys?”

“Why is Clarke in the hospital?” Bellamy gritted out as Murphy searched fruitlessly for his keys.

“Because he beat the shit out of her!” Murphy exploded “Will someone tell me where my fucking keys are?” 

This couldn’t be happening. Bellamy could hear the blood pounding in his ears as a rush of emotions came over him. Someone chucked Murphy his keys.

“I’m coming with you” Bellamy insisted, Murphy glared but didn’t say anything, he knew Murphy just wanted to get to Clarke – so did he. “Raven, stay with Octavia” He shouted over his shoulder as he shut the door behind him. 

“I’m an idiot” He muttered as Murphy sped to the hospital “I’m such a goddamn idiot”

“I’m glad we can agree” Murphy’s jaw was tight as he accelerated to jump a changing light. The city sped past them, sleepy and serene as Bellamy’s heart ran away from his chest. How could he say that to Clarke? How could he accuse her of lying about Finn? Deep down he knew she wasn’t, he knew she was telling the truth. He’d seen it in her eyes as she told him about the bruise on her back, he’d seen the sadness every time he traced the finger marks on her arms. But he’d let Raven whisper in his ear and now they were here, rushing into the ER to see what kind of state Clarke was in. He prayed it wasn’t bad – that she’d gone there for comfort when she felt no one else would give it her. He should have been there for her, he should have held her tight instead of throwing accusations at her.

“Murphy!” The ER receptionist called, Murphy bee lined for her desk, Bellamy close on his heels.

“Anya what the fuck happened?”

“It’s bad” The hard faced woman told them “I’ve never seen Clarke like it, she’s strong, I’ve seen her put up with a lot of crap and still smile at the end of the day – but she’s catatonic now, she’s barely said anything since she came in, i barely got her to tell me to call you. Her face – oh god Murphy, he did a number on her”

“Where is she?”

“Cubicle nine, Jacksons trying to deal with her”

Murphy gave her a sharp nod and stormed towards the double doors leading into the treatment area. He pulled back a curtain, then stopped dead, Bellamy shoved around him, then immediately regretted it. 

Clarke was sat on a hospital bed, arm in a sling, a mix of dried and fresh blood ran in rivers down her face, her lip was split, a nasty gash on her forehead was still trickling blood. Her nose was surrounded with dried blood, and her face littered with fresh bruises. But the worst was the haunted look in her eyes as she stared at a spot straight ahead. He didn’t notice him and Murphy storming her cubicle, she didn’t pay attention to the doctor trying to put a Cannula in her hand, it was like she was stuck in her own head.

It was the look of his mother before she killed herself. 

“Clarke” Murphy was the first to make a sound, his voice was shaky “What happened?”

He didn’t think she was going to answer, until she finally croaked out “he was there”

“Where?” Murphy moved to sit next to her, his hand hovered by her back, but he thought better of it.

“Bellamy’s fight. He saw me there – he knew I was lying about working at the clinic and who Bellamy was. I thought he was going to kill me, if the police didn’t turn up he would have” her voice cracked and Bellamy’s heart broke all over again. How the fuck could Finn have done this to her? The thought made him want to commit murder, he wanted to wrap his hands around Finns neck and squeeze until there was no life left in him.

The doctor – Bellamy thought his name was Jackson, the same man that was there when Octavia was in hospital – jerked his head to tell Murphy to get off the bed. He reluctantly stood up, and Jackson untied the sling.

“Clarke your shoulders dislocated, I need to reduce it” She didn’t even flinch as he felt her shoulder. Bellamy had seen boxers with dislocated shoulders before, he’s seen the pain and heard the screams of bigger men than Clarke, but it was like she wasn’t even there. “I cant do it until I get an x ray of your arm, I need to see if there’s a break in your wrist”

“Just do it” She told him, her voice flat and emotionless, it sent chills through Bellamy. She’d always been so passionate, so kind and caring. It killed him seeing her like this – a shell of the person she was a few hours ago.

“At least let me give you some morphine, the pain will be too much”

She looked over the Jackson then, her stare hard “I don’t want Morphine. I want you to sort my damn shoulder out so I can get the hell out of here” she told him coldly 

“Clarke – ”

Jackson started, but she cut him off. “I’ll do it myself” She warned. Jackson huffed, but move to pick her arm up anyway.

Bellamy had been told that reducing a dislocation was one of the worst pains you could feel, but Clarke didn’t move, didn’t even blink. She just carried on staring ahead, lost in her thoughts. Jackson it her arm back in a sling, and started cleaning up her face. With the trails of blood gone, Bellamy could see exactly what Finn had done to her. Her eye was swelling, a bright purple bruise forming over the lid and down her cheekbone, where it met a gruesome, open cut that wasn’t done by one hit – she’d been hit repeatedly. Her top lip was split, her mouth swollen and painful looking, the gash on her head had stopped bleeding now, but that didn’t make it look any better. 

Jackson moved too quick towards her face with he gauze, and panic took over her face. She lashed out, pushing Jackson away and screaming. Bellamy rushed forward, hoking his arm around her waist the opposite side to her bad shoulder and holding her against him as he let her thrash and scream into his shirt.

“It’s alright” he murmured into her hair as she broke down, sobbing and clinging to him. He felt blood and tears soak into his shirt but he couldn’t care less about anything other than the woman in his arms. “Ive got you” He promised “I wont let anyone hurt you again”. Between him and Murphy, they managed to calm her down enough to let Jackson clean her up and stitch up her wounds. She was eventually sent to X-rays, and Murphy and Bellamy were sent to the waiting room with their thoughts.

It was the worst hour of his life. He couldn’t sit still – every time he thought about what the hell Finn had done to her his blood boiled with rage ad he knew he couldn’t just sit there. He paced until Murphy flipped out at him, he walked the parameter of the hospital, his legs moving faster and faster every time he looked down at the dried blood staining his shirt. When he got back, Clarke still wasn’t out, so all he could do was hang his head in his hands and try not to think. 

“I’ll kill him” Murphy eventually told him, eerily calm. “I’ll snap his fucking neck and bury him where no one can find him”

“How long have you known?” Bellamy asked him

Murphy took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “About four years ago I was at this party, I knew Clarke from the hospital, but she was just some newly qualified doctor I didn’t pay any attention to. She was there with Finn, he seemed alright, I didn’t really care until I went outside and heard them arguing, I went to see what was going on and he pushed her into the wall – I think he went to hit her but he saw me and stormed off. I tried to find out what happened and she broke down and told me everything, I think I was the first person she ever told about him. I tried to take care of her after that, always kept tabs on her, kept checking in with her. It got really bad a year after that, he’d been out of work for ages and just kept drinking and draining her money, she came into work with a black eye – tried to tell me it was her fault but that was bullshit. He hit her for putting a stop on her account so he couldn’t take any money. I finally convinced her to go to a safe house, a place where they put women who suffered domestic violence, she was there maybe a week before he found her and broke into the place in the middle of the night. He dragged her out and the police did shit about it. He told her to tell them to drop the charges and they did it without a second thought. She’s been practically a prisoner ever since, I thought getting her to join your team would be good for her, Finn thought she was at work and she could get some money to get away. If I thought it would have ended up like this I never would have suggested it”

Fuck. Bellamy knew she tried to leave once, but he didn’t know Finn broke into a safe house and practically kidnapped her. He was only just realising how naïve he’d been to her situation, it made his feel like the biggest ass for the accusations he’d thrown at her earlier. How could she ever forgive him? If the situations were reversed, he’s not sure he could forgive someone for doing that.

“Why didn’t you ever say any of that when Raven was saying she was a liar?” Bellamy asked, if he’d known all of that then he would have been there for her.

“Clarke didn’t want anyone to know, Raven already hates her because of what Abby did. Clarke told me she was scared if more people knew, the angrier Finn would get and take it out on her for telling everyone. I never knew what was best for her, I just tried to trust her judgment. And to be honest, I think no matter what you tell Raven, she’s stubborn, she wont believe you anyway”

Bellamy had to agree. 

Anya came in with coffee and tight smile, telling them Clarke was having her arm put in cast and they could see when she was finished. 

“You know” Murphy started after a lingering, deafening silence “What you said to her, after your fight – that was a dick move. I never expected it from you, Raven yes – but not you”

It’s something Bellamy wasn’t sure he’d ever get over – the burning shame and guilt that coursed through him “Raven and Octavia kept talking and talking, it just got in my head and with Octavia being back I wasn’t thinking things through properly. Then I saw her coming out of Kanes dressing room before the fight, I though – hell I don’t know what I thought, maybe she wanted to switch teams or something, my brain kept twisting everything. I knew deep down what I was saying was shit but it wouldn’t stop, every time I wanted to believe her she would snap at me and I thought she was being defensive but…” He trailed off, she wasn’t being defensive, she was angry. Angry that she’d opened up to him and he threw it back in her face. He was actually the worst. He’d promised to protect her and he’d sent her away to Finn who was ready to kill her the second she walked through the door.

“Kane was her stepfather. Before her mother got addicted to pills” Murphy told him frankly, staring at him like he was stupid.

“I didn’t know” He stuttered “She didn’t say anything”

“Of course she didn’t” Murphy snorted “Not when you were being a dick to her”

Bellamy just nodded, Murphy was absolutely right. Why would she tell him when he was being so cold to her? Would he even have acted like he cared if she did tell at the time?

 

After what felt like hours, Jackson came and sat opposite them in the waiting room, rubbing his eyes muttering about having worlds longest shift. 

“We’ve given her a mild sedative” He told them “She needs to sleep but there no way she would sleep on her own. We’ve moved her up to a ward now, she’s staying until at least this afternoon, that’s if she doesn’t sleep completely through the day.”

“What happened?” Bellamy asked quietly, not sure if he even wanted an answer.

“I didn’t catch the full story, the police came in with her, they said they’d had a 911 call off a neighbour saying they could hear screaming and shouting from their apartment. Apparently not the first time there’s been noise complaints against them. By the time the police got there they had to break down the door and drag Finn off her, he was still trying the threaten her as they dragged him away. She wouldn’t let the Paramedics touch her, she wouldn’t talk to anyone, it took Anya five minutes to get her to tell us who she wanted us to call. Luckily we had your number on file still, her emergency contacts Finn”

Bellamy clenched his fist, Murphy had the same Murderous look in his eyes as earlier. Bellamy was sure it was reflected on his own face too. 

“I know he smashed her head off the wall” Jackson continued in a small voice “She’s got four cracked ribs, two breaks in her wrist, a dislocated shoulder, multiple contusions to her face – if the police hadn’t of intervened…” Jackson trailed off, he didn’t need to finish that sentence, they all knew what would have happened. “She’s on ward fifteen, room twelve”

“Thanks, doc” Murphy patted his shoulder as he stood up, wasting no time getting to Clarkes room.

Clarke looked tiny on the sterile hospital bed, her arm in a fresh sling and white plaster cast from her fingers to her elbow. Her face was littered with bruises, even in the dim light he could see how bad he’d got her. Stitches made trails across her cheek and forehead, her lip looked like it had been glued together. Bellamy took a seat next to her bed, Murphy sat in the corner, watching her intently. He picked up her good hand and threaded his fingers through hers. She was fast asleep, finally looking somewhat peaceful. He kissed her bruised knuckles and watched the steady rise and fall of her chest, letting it lull him to sleep knowing she was safe now. 

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

Bellamy woke up to a gentle shake of his shoulder, he looked up, expecting it to be Murphy, but Clarke was staring down at him, her eyebrows creased in confusion. “Hey” he murmured, sitting up from where his head was resting on the edge of her bed. “How are you feeling?”

“It hurts” She confessed, her voice croaking like she was losing it. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you, I came with Murphy. I needed to see you, about what I said before; Clarke I’m so sorry. I’m so stupid, I – ”

“You should go” She cut him off, staring at the blood staining his top

His heart stopped momentarily “Clarke please” He begged, a tear ran down her cheek, he captured it with his thumb, wiping it away gently as he could “I know I was awful to you, you have no idea how much I wish I could just take the whole thing back”

Her lips trembled, he stroked her hair away from her face, sunlight dripped in through the closed blinds, illuminating her golden hair. “He knows about you, about the illegal fighting, Bellamy I don’t want you to get in trouble”

“I’ll give it up” He promised, without a doubt in his mind he would do whatever it took to keep her safe. “They can’t prove anything from one persons word. I’ll just teach, I saved most of the money I got from it anyway. I promise you Clarke I’ll do anything, just don’t worry about me while you’re here”

She squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head “You should go get a shower, change your shirt. Take Murphy with you, he looks like he could do with sleeping horizontally” Bellamy turned to look at Murphy, who had draped himself awkwardly over the chair, his one leg thrown over the arm, the other in front of him, his head drooped to one side. Bellamy left out a half laugh and shook his head.

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright on your own?” He asked, concerned. She’d gone from catatonic to having a meltdown in seconds, he didn’t have a clue what was going on in her head now. 

“Yeah” She nodded “I just need a little time to think, on my own”

Bellamy couldn’t argue with that. He shook Murphy awake, who shot up muttering “It was broke when I found it”

Bellamy rolled his eyes “Come on, Clarke wants us to go for a bit, Murphy frowned and strode over to her bed, having a hushed conversation. He finally nodded, and stalked out the room. 

“I’m going to shower and change my clothes, then I’m coming back. I’m not leaving you alone for too long.”

Clarke just nodded, there may have been a hint of a smile on her lips, but he couldn’t quite tell.

 

They both went back to Bellamy’s, it was closest and he wanted to check in with Octavia. He didn’t realise how tired he was until the door seemed to sway in front of I’m as he stuck his key in the lock. He’d only had a couple of hours sleep next to Clarke, now he had a crick in his next and a bad back. 

“Hi” Raven rose awkwardly from the Sofa as they made their way into his apartment. 

“Where’s Octavia?” Bellamy demanded, looking around at his now spotless apartment 

“Still in bed. How’s Clarke?”

“She’s shit” Murphy answered for him, barging past them towards the bathroom, obviously dibbing the shower first. The door slammed behind him, making them both jump. 

Raven stared at his blood stained shirt. “What happened?” She finally asked, guilt written all over her face.

“Finn came to my fight, he’s beaten her to a pulp. One of the neighbours called the police and they had to come break down the door and drag him off”

“Shit” Raven hissed, her eyes widening “Bellamy I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t”

“Don’t” he snapped, cutting her rambling off “I don’t care. I don’t want to hear you say another word about her though, got it?”

Raven nodded mutely.

“Good. Now I need a shower before I go back. I need to get this goddamn shirt in the bin. Will you stay with Octavia today?”

“Of course” She murmured. Bellamy nodded gratefully and got in the shower after Murphy, washing away the blood that soaked through to his skin. Clarks blood – because Finn had laid his goddamn rotten hands on her. Because of him. The thought that this was his fault burned into his brain. If he’d have taken Murphy’s advice in the first place and left her alone, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Or maybe he’d have found another excuse, because that’s what people like Finn- like his stepdad – did. They found any excuse, any mistake to give a beating.

It wouldn’t happen again. Bellamy would protect her with his life.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: descriptions of domestic violence

Clarke had spent more than forty hours a week here for at least the last six years, and she’d never once looked at the ceiling. Yet that was all she’d done for the last hour. She didn’t want to call the doctor or the nurses in – though she knew they’d be here soon to poke and prod her and give her sickening sympathetic looks and ask stupid questions like ‘how are you feeling?’

Shit - That’s how she was feeling. 

She didn’t remember how she got here, didn’t remember changing into a flimsy hospital gown or having her arm put in plaster. The entire thing seemed liked a distant memory, she didn’t really remember anything after Finn getting dragged off her, it was like she’d retreated into her head and couldn’t get out until she woke up with Bellamy next to her, clinging onto her hand for dear life. 

She had to send him away, she couldn’t bear the thought of him seeing her like this, not when Finn would be after him too. She just brought pain with her wherever she went. 

She didn’t have a clue what time it was when Doctor Tsing knocked on her door. She’d have sat up if her ribs didn’t hurt her so much.

“Hello, Clarke” She smiled professionally, she and Clarke never really dealt with each other in work, Clarke couldn’t even put a face to the name before she stepped in the room. Good, she would treat her like any other patient, not tiptoe around her like the other doctors and nurses would have in ER. “How are you feeling?” 

She still asked stupid questions.

“Like I want to get out of here” came Clarkes short reply. She sat up slowly, holding her side with her one working arm. There wasn’t a single part of her body that didn’t hurt.

“That’s understandable. We’ve had a message from the police department that you cant go back to your apartment , they’re still treating it as a crime scene. Any ideas about where you want to go? We wont discharge you until you’ve got a place to go”

“I need a safe house or something, I’ll go live in a motel at this point” Clarke told her frankly, Dr Tsing just nodded.

“I can get reception to find out if any safe houses have a vacancy for you?

“Yeah, that would be great thanks” She nodded gratefully.

“No problem. I need to examine your ribs before anything, I looked over your x-rays and I’m worried there’s a chance of your lung being punctured. Do you mind if I do that now?” 

Clarke shrugged, and Dr Tsing moved forward slowly to lift her gown. She wondered if she’d got underdressed herself or if someone did it for her. It didn’t really matter, it wasn’t like she cared. She gasped as Dr Tsing gently pressed on her ribs, pain bursting through her chest. “You’ll need to be especially careful for a few weeks, no sleeping on either side, your shoulder needs time to heal and you cant sleep on your broken ribs. It’s back only for now I’m afraid” Clarke nodded, she didn’t think she’d be getting much sleep anyway, no matter if she was on her back or floating to the ceiling. 

Dr Tsing left her to her thoughts, telling her she’d chase up a place for her to stay so she could be discharged. Clark gingerly slipped out of bed, her movements slow and precise as she picked up the plastic bag with her blood stained clothes folded neatly. She took them out, and untied her sling. It was a struggle getting changed one handed, but she managed it on her own. Just like she’d manage everything else on her own from now on.

She was struggling with her jean button when Bellamy opened the door, staring at her hard in confusion. “What are you doing?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Try to do my jeans up” She snapped, Bellamy didn’t react to her, he just strode over and did the button up for her. 

“Are they letting you go?” He asked, brushing her hair out of her face.

“Soon” She responded cryptically, Bellamy just nodded.

“Sit down” He commanded gently, helping her back onto the bed “You look like you’re swaying a bit”

He was right, the pain was making her dizzy, she knew Jackson had given her Morphine earlier along with whatever the hell knocked her out, but she wouldn’t have anymore, the pain was a stark reminder of what happens when she lets her heart rule. 

The pain in her chest was making her dizzy, she went to raise her hand to her head and hissed at the pain in her shoulder. 

“Hey, its okay” Bellamy soothed, squeezing her knee. She couldn’t help the tear that ran down her cheek. She wished to god that she wouldn’t cry in front of Bellamy when she was supposed to be mad at him – she didn’t even know what they were now. He’d accused her of lying about Finn, she’d bared her deepest secrets to him, told him about her mothers drug problem, about the abuse Finn put her through and he spat it back at her like it was nothing but a ruse to get him into bed. Everything was getting on top of her, she just needed to be far away.

Dr Tsing ducked into the room, giving her a cluck of disapproval. “Your sling needs to stay on”

“I was getting dressed” Clarke muttered in annoyance, she was perfectly capable of getting dressed.

“You’ll need help with your shoulder and ribs for a couple of weeks, don’t over do it. Okay, so the good news it you can be discharged – ”

“You found a place?” Clarke cut her off, too excited to hear the rest.

“ – but the bad news is its about forty miles away. They can take you tonight though, they want a definite answer so they can arrange transport” Dr Tsing trailed off with a wary smile. Clarke was overjoyed, if it was towards Polis, she was over halfway to a new life, to a fresh start, where no one had to know about Finn or her mother, where her reputation wasn’t tainted by others mistakes. 

“Wait” Bellamy interrupted loudly “Forty miles to what? You’re cant leave”

Tears welled in her eyes again. Why couldn’t he see that she had to go? It wasn’t safe for either of them when Finn got out of Prison, he’d probably already told them about his illegal hobby, and hers, too. She’s probably already lost her medical license, Bellamy was possibly going to prison.

“I have to” she barely made a sound, but Bellamy heard anyway.

“No, you don’t. At all. Clarke please, I can’t lose you, not after this. I can protect you, I will protect you – with my life if I have to, just don’t go. My heart stopped when Murphy said you were in the hospital” He turned to the doctor “Can you give us five minutes, please?”

Doctor Tsing looked at Clarke, she just nodded, letting her know it was alright, Bellamy wouldn’t hurt her. Not physically, anyway. The doctor left the room with a soft click of the door, the silence was deafening for a moment. 

“When Murphy told me he’d been arrested, I imagined all sorts, from a black eye to you lying in a goddamn body bag. By the look of your face you weren’t far off. I’m so sorry Clarke, I never meant of it, I wish I could take that whole night back and just get you to stay”

“He’d have got me anyway” Clarke told him sadly. “He knew, if I hadn’t of come home…” she trailed off, if she didn’t come home, he probably would have killed her, tracked them down and killed them both. “He said he’d kill me. Weeks ago he told me he was going to kill me. You said it too, after Atoms fight, you asked if I was waiting for him kill me. I wish he had, I wish he’d have Just – ”

“No” Bellamy snarled, retreating back and tugging at his curly hair. “No. Do not say that, ever. You’re too good for that. Please don’t let him get into your head – I cant fathom the idea of a world without you in it. You don’t have to forgive, but I have to know you’re safe. Please just come with me, I wont let anything bad happen again, I promise you”

His eyes were wild and pleading and oh so beautiful, she wondered how anyone ever let him go, how anyone could defy someone so utterly gorgeous and caring. She nodded weakly, knowing she’d feel safer in his arms than a million miles away.

“Thank you” he whispered, his lips gently grazing a bruise on her cheek. “I’ll get the doctor”

 

After making Bellamy perfect how to put her sling back on and giving her strict instructions that she couldn’t dress, undress, bathe or even think about her arm without assistance for at least a week, she was sent home with Bellamy. 

“I’ve got no clothes” She murmured sadly in the front seat of his car “Everything’s back at the apartment” She knew she couldn’t get anything while the police were still investigating. She could get a new card and license, she’d change her number, but she had nothing to wear, nothing left to call her own.

“You can borrow some of Octavia’s, she went shopping a brought half the shop home with her” Bellamy soothed. 

Octavia – it was like he’d had a personality change when she came home, she wondered idly if it was hers and Ravens influence that cause the argument the other night, Octavia was acting strange before the fight, like Clarke was a nuisance to her – on second thought, she was almost positive it was her. 

Bellamy helped her up the steps to his apartment, each step was agony but she tried not to show it. Eventually he got her through the door, his arm around her waist. Raven, Octavia and Murphy sat around in Bellamy living room, eyes glued to her as she walked through, but she didn’t look up, she just let him lead her into the bedroom. 

He was overly cautious helping her undress, her sling folded neatly on the dresser, he cut her bloody shirt off her, promising to bin it in the kitchen. He stared at the bruises on her ribs – she hadn’t seen them yet, hadn’t even looked in the mirror at her face, she knew she’d have to soon. May as well be now. 

She closed the door to the en-suite, Bellamy had given her one of his button up shirts so she didn’t have to raise her arms. She stared at herself hard in the mirror, her face an ugly map of every hit Finn had taken at her, every stitch and bruise a reminder that she’d done this to herself. She wasn’t supposed to get involved with Bellamy or drag him into this. She’d brought it all on herself. There wasn’t much left in her stomach, but what was there made her gag and dive for the toilet. Her ribs screamed in protest, tears running down her cheeks from the pain as she was sick in the bowl. 

Bellamy was there then, scraping her hair back and rubbing soothing circles on her back. When her stomach was finally empty, he picked her up bridal style carried her back to the bedroom, he sat on her bed with her cradled in his lad and let her sob into his shirt while he rocked her back and forth. He never tried to tell her she was okay, he just let her be until she couldn’t cry anymore.

He lay her down on her back, she closed her eyes and willed sleep to come, but she was too uncomfortable, her thoughts were screaming in her head and the pain was almost too much to bare, she couldn’t open her eyes though, it was like her body was shutting down and leaving her mind to its own devices. She felt the bed lift as Bellamy got out of bed, the door closed softly behind him, but it did little to mask the conversation from the living room. 

“How is she?” Someone – either Octavia or Raven asked.

“How the fuck do you think she is?” Bellamy snapped “You saw her face, what that scum did to her”

“Bellamy – ”

“No, don’t ‘Bellamy’ me, she tried to leave to some safe house forty something miles away, I couldn’t let her go, he dislocated her shoulder and broke her wrist, she cant even walk properly he messed up her ribs that bad. Just go home, I don’t want to talk anymore.”

He was back in the room then, she turned her head to look at him.

“I thought you were asleep” he sat next to her, stroking her hair with his fingertips.

“Hurts” her throat was constricting her voice, probably from all the screaming she’d done earlier.

“I got you some water and painkillers, can you sit?”

She nodded, he helped her up anyway, winding his arm around her waist. She took the painkillers gratefully. She knew she’d freaked out with Jackson in the hospital, bits were coming back to her now. She was embarrassed that she thought he was attacking her, Murphy and Bellamy had to pin her down. She leans against Bellamy, her ribs protested but she didn’t care. He rubbed her back soothingly.

“Are you tired?”

“I feel like I haven’t slept in a year. I just keep thinking and thinking about him on me, I didn’t think he’d ever stop punching me”

“Clarke” He chocked “you’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to you”

“It already has though”

She felt Bellamy stiffen next to her. There was nothing they could do to change it, she’d carry it around with her like a big neon sign. Look at me, I let myself get abused for years until my ex finally tried to kill me, I was weak.

She felt her eyelids dropping, the painkillers took the edge off, and maybe she’d finally forget for a while.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

She woke up to the feeling of falling, endlessly and effortlessly. She shot up, and cried out in pain. Bile rose in her throat, confusion took over her, everything hurt, she didn’t know where the hell she was or why she was here, it was too dark, she couldn’t move her arm and her chest felt like it was caving in, her breath got shorter and shorter. This was it she was going to die…

“It’s okay” Bellamy was there next to her them, his hand on her cheek “you’re safe I’ve got you”

Safe? Safe from what?

It came crashing back then. Bellamy’s fight with Kane, their argument outside, Finn…

“Oh god” she could barely talk, she felt like she’d swallowed razor blades. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out”

“You’re allowed to freak out Clarke. What happened to you was awful, I’d be concerned if you didn’t freak out a little”

She wanted to tell him that she wasn’t freaking out because of what happened, but it seemed like too much to explain. She felt fuzzy, like she’d slept for too long. “What time is it?”

“Just past noon, you were completely knocked out. I think your body just needed some time to recover” he told her gently, like she was an injured baby bird.

She nodded “I need to go to the police station, I need to give a statement”

“We can do that in a bit, you should – ”

“I want to go now”

Bellamy looked taken aback, staring at her like he wanted to argue, but nodded anyway, helping her out of bed. She desperately needed a shower, but for now she just wanted this over and done with. The quicker she gave a statement, the quicker she could try and put it behind her. 

She dressed in a pair of Octavia’s Jeans and a smaller shirt of Bellamy’s – still too long, but it was better than a T-shirt.

Her face looked so much worse today, the bruises were coming out in full form now, people stared at her as she walked to the car, but she didn’t pay any attention to them. They didn’t know shit about her or what she’d been through, they could judge as much as they wanted. 

A pretty officer took her into an interview room, she reluctantly left Bellamy behind, knowing she had to do this on her own though.

“I’m officer Harper McIntyre” the officer smiled kindly, another officer joined them, a man named Sinclair. 

“Before you get started with your statement, there’s just a couple of things we want to go through first, Mr Collins gave his statement after he’d finished with the nurse.”

Clarke wondered how much damaged she’d done in her attempt to get him to stop attacking her, but she couldn’t find any sympathy for him, he got less than he deserved. She confirmed her name and the date for the recorder, then officer McIntyre started.

“When did your relationship with Mr Collins begin?”

Clarke had to think for a moment, unprepared for this kind of questioning “nine, maybe ten years ago, when we were in College. We broke up for a bit, but we got back together after a few months”

“You’ve made abuse allegations against Mr Collins before, why were they dropped?”

“He broke into the safe house I was staying in, he threatened me – I was scared, I didn’t have any friends I felt I could turn to. He told me to drop the charged or he’d kill me”

The officer nodded, jotting something down in a notepad. “When did the alleged abuse begin?”

She was getting annoyed with the alleged comments, but she understood the whole innocent until proven guilty thing, even though Finn was clearly the guilty party here. “Maybe five years ago. Finn lost his job, I was still doing residency and money was tight, he turned to drinking and drugs, what money I was bringing in went on the apartment or his addictions, he hit me when he was drunk, it wasn’t a lot at first, he told me it was my fault and I believed him. It got more frequent until I went to the safe house a year after he lost his job”

“When you got back with him, did the alleged abuse continue”

“Not for a while, not physical anyway. He’d control my money, walk me to and from work, I couldn’t have any friends, he monitored my phone, what I wore outside of work. We broke up about two years later, he had multiple affairs. We agreed that it was best not to be together, though we kept the flat together as money wasn’t great, he still had control over my bank account. He got a job and things got better for a while” 

The officer paused, her face etched with concentration. “How long have you and Mr Collins been out of a relationship?”

“About three years now. The physical abuse started again about two years ago. He got sober for a bit but his friends are shitty and got him back into it.” Clarke recounted, painful memories resurfacing.

“Can you describe the physical abuse, I know it’s hard but it will be helpful for the investigation.”

“He’d punch me, where no one could see at first, in the ribs, my arms, he would kick me, bite me. One time he burnt me with a cigarette. A few weeks ago he chocked me so hard I had bruises for weeks. He pushed me, he’d pin me down by my arms when we argued. I have pictures on my phone, of the bruises”

“If you could give us a copy of those, that would be great. We’d also like photos of your injuries from this incident, if you don’t mind. Clinical photography at the hospital got some photos of when it happened, we’d like some now you’ve been stitched up?”

Clarke didn’t remember being photographed, but she also didn’t remember a lot from the hospital, a trauma reflex – her brain was blocking it out. 

“That’s fine, I don’t mind”

Officer McIntyre nodded. “We can get your phone back to you today. I need you to tell us about the the most recent incident, in as much detail as possible. Take all the time you need. If you a break that’s fine. You’re not chained in here, you can leave at anytime”

Clarke nodded, and found herself pouring out everything, leaving out the illegal boxing part, she just told them he’d seen her and Bellamy together. Both the officers had paled significantly by the time she’d finished. Both took a moment to recompose. 

“Did you ever hit Mr Collins first?” Officer Sinclair finally asked “he said there was an incident a couple of months ago where you slapped him unprovoked”

Clarke thought hard, they couldn’t mean… “it wasn’t unprovoked, he was baiting me, I didn’t even realise I’d done it”

“But you still hit him first?”

“Did he tell you that he grabbed me the throat and slammed me into a wall after that? Or does that not matter since apparently I’m a psychopath?”

Officer Sinclair said nothing. Just continued writing in his notebook. “Do you want to press charges against Mr Collins?”

“Yes” Clarke answered without hesitation, she couldn’t pass up her one chance to be free, to finally be rid of him. She wouldn’t drop the charges this time – let him make all the threats he wants, he was going down.

“I do have to warn you Doctor Griffin, he’s saying this was self defence”

“This?” She pointed to her face, the purple, angry bruises, the trails of stitches and her glued together lip. “He cracked my ribs, broke my wrist in two places and dislocated my shoulder. I don’t think my face will ever recover from what he did. One of your officers had to physically pull him off me. I’m sure I came out worse than the few scratches I gave him after he smashed my head into the wall. I thought he was going to kill me, for a while I wished he had killed me. So no, this wasn’t self defence, it was anger because he couldn’t possess me anymore” she snarled, anger bubbling over the surface. This was so typical of Finn to try and make out he was the victim of this.

Officer Sinclair looked down, his face reddening as a furious blush travelled up his neck to his cheeks. 

“Are we done here?” She demanded, Officer McIntyre nodded, closing her note pad. 

“One more question, if you don’t mind?” She asked meekly, obviously wary after Clarkes outburst.

“Can you tell us the occupation of your friend Bellamy Blake?”

Clarke’s heart sank, she couldn’t drag Bellamy into this after everything that’s happened. “He teaches self defence classes at his foster fathers gym – drop ship” it was true, and ironic. 

“Mr Collins said something about an illegal boxing fight”

Clarke snorted, hoping she came off as passive “Finn would, he doesn’t just want to drag me down, he’ll drag everyone around me down to isolate me again in the hopes I’ll get back with him and drop the charges like last time”

“Thank you, if you don’t mind having your injuries documented, you can get your phone back and you’re free to go” Officer McIntyre walked her to a blank wall to photograph her face and ribs – which were purple and red and angry looking, a perfect imprint of Finns trainer sat in the middle of the bruising, his last imprint on her.

 

The ride home was silent, Clarke lost in her thoughts and Bellamy not wanting to disrupt her. He didn’t ask any questions which she was grateful for, she didn’t have the energy to hash up everything that happened.

His apartment was quiet when they got back, Clarke stashed a pair of scissors in the waistband of her jeans, concealing it under Bellamy’s too long shirt. 

She locked herself in the bathroom, untying her sling with one hand, she ignored the screaming protests of her shoulder as she hacked at her hair, in a strange sort of trance. It was an uneven, jagged mess that sat just under her chin, but it did what she wanted. She looked wild eyed and free – free of the old Clarke, the weak Clarke who let Finn walk all over her. She was liberated.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Domestic violence
> 
> Bad writing warning: I had no right to be writing legal scenes but here I am! I also edited this at 4 am - I’ll go back through it when I’m awake.

Bellamy ran his fingers through the cropped strands of golden hair and smiled to himself. Clarke was such well thought out person, she didn’t seem to do anything without forethought, so hacking off her hair spontaneously was wildly out of character, but it suited her. 

She’d come back from the police station almost Catatonic again, he was worried that whatever had been brought up in there would tip her over the edge, but she came out from the bathroom with her hair chopped off and a smile as wide as her split lip would allow her. She told him she was free, her eyes a little wild but maybe, just maybe she would finally let herself live.

His finger caught on a longer strand and he laughed to himself “it’s so uneven”

She turned to scowl at him from where she was sat against him on the sofa, but there was no real malice there. “I had to do it one handed, it wasn’t easy”

“You could have asked me” He smiled playfully, her mood had improved since they woke up this morning, Octavia was with Lincoln, which helped – she seemed to shy away and stay in the bedroom whenever Octavia was about. He wasn’t really sure why, but he could guess that Clarke had figured out it was Octavia and Raven who cause their argument.

“You would have said no” 

She was right, he’d have thought it was stupid and impulsive, cutting your hair off wouldn’t change anything, but apparently it did.

He’d never understand women.

“Probably” he grinned, kissing her wildly untamed hair. 

“I need a shower” she sighed, she hadn’t had one since she’d got back, under strict instructions she couldn’t get her wounds wet for forty eight hours. “It’s going to be tricky with my arm in plaster”

“I’ve had a thought about this” he practically gasped – he didn’t want to say anything before, he didn’t want her to think he was trying to control her. Even down to something as simple as a shower, he was determined to show her that it was her life, he’d work around her. “Plastic bag over your cast and duct tape”

She stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing, clutching her broken ribs and gasping. “That’s genius”

She was so beautiful when she laughed – even with the bruises and stitches she was still the most gorgeous person he’d ever laid eyes on – probably ever will. “I’m glad you think so” he grinned “or I could just, you know wash your hair for you?”

There was a pause, and a gentle exhale. He knew she needed space, he could give her space, but sometimes these things came out his mouth before his brain had a chance to catch up. She shut down a bit when he said something even relatively romantic, the glazed over look coming back into her eyes and one part of his just wanted to beg her not to block him out, the other told him to give her space, to go at her pace and let her come to him. That was the rational part of his brain he hated using.

“I could do with the help, everything’s so much more difficult with one hand, and my shoulders no where near healed” she murmured, her voice trancelike, like she was convincing herself she could do this. She was right though, her shoulder was covered in a deep purple bruise and awfully swollen. Clarke told him it was because of the nature of the injury – Bellamy didn’t ask what that meant, he didn’t want to know what happened that night, he’d end up in a prison cell himself. 

He got some towels and his shampoo from the bathroom, and Clarke awkwardly leant over the kitchen sink, cursing his lack of bath. Draping a towel around her slender shoulders, he gave her another towel for her face as he did not trust his aim with the cup, and started soaking her hair. The water made it darker, golden hints shine through as the light glistened. She softly giggled every time the water soaked the towel over her face. “Sorry, sorry!” He’d quickly apologies, but she just shook her head and gestured for him to carry on. This was the most normal they’d felt in a while, since before Octavia had come home. But now there was a real permanence to his feelings, knowing Finn was gone hopefully for good, and Clarke still stayed with him after everything he’d said, after he’d let her go home angry to Finn.

He tousled her hair dry with the towel, and she shook the last of the drops in his direction, making him laugh and dramatically stumble back. Clarke snorted, wrapping her arm around his waist and letting her hair soak through his shirt and he kissed her head.

They’d be just fine - together.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

“You don’t have to tell me” he murmured, lay on his side as his hand was splayed over her stomach, his thumb tracing patterns on the material of his old AC/DC shirt. They still hadn’t gone to her apartment to get her clothes back, she said she can’t bare the sight of it, and apart from work he hadn’t left her side.

“I need to tell someone other than the police” her voice was raspy and quiet “it’s eating me alive”

Bellamy nodded, wanting to support Clarke, but not sure if he could bare hearing what caused the injuries that sent her here, battered and bruised, for days she was a shell of the person she once was. He wondered if she’d still be like that if she’d left and gone to a safe house. 

“He’d been foul all week, everyday he came home late from work drunk, he was argumentative about everything I did” she took a deep breath and placed her good hand over his in her stomach. “The day before your fight, we had this massive argument, he pulled the door handle off the bedroom door and tried to throw it at me in the hallway outside the apartment. One of the neighbours saw and called the landlord; he came the next day, which is why I was late for your fight”

She turned to look at him, her eyes searching his face. He never truly doubted her reasons for being late, it just encouraged Ravens narrative. He picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles.”Marcus Kane was married to my mother before the pills, they got divorced shortly after she lost her job, she’d think they try to make it work but…” she trailed off for a moment, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. “I don’t blame him for not staying, I did the same; abandoned ship when it was clear she was self sabotaging. 

“After we argued, I walked around for hours. I didn’t want to go home, I thought of going back to see Kane, but I didn’t want to bump into you so I just went back” he wiped a tear that escaped her eyes, she’d cried enough to last her a lifetime, he hope he’d never make her cry again. “He was so drunk, I didn’t see him at the match, he must have gone straight back to the apartment. Finns been angry before, but this – I never thought I’d see this. I tried to fight back, push him off but he smashed my head against the wall. I scratched his face, pushed him off me until he grabbed my arm got me on the floor. The police turned up then, he just kept hitting and hitting me until they dragged him off. It’s blurry after that, but you turned up – you probably remember more of the hospital than I do”

He wished he didn’t, he wished he never had to see her like that, the lost look and bloodied face. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you again” He promised, gently turning her face to look at him “I’ll tell you until the day I die, no one – myself included – will lay another finger on you”

She turned onto her side despite her broken ribs and clung onto him for dear life, her head buried in his chest, she eventually fell asleep, he turned her onto her back, knowing she’d only cause herself more damage. 

He didn’t want to sleep, he kept thinking about Clarke cowering in that tiny apartment, thinking she had no where else to go. 

He woke before he even knew he was asleep, his phone blowing up with texts from Murphy, telling him to be ready in ten minutes. It was too early to be going out – especially for Murphy, but curiosity got the better of him and he dressed in silence, making sure he didn’t wake Clarke up. 

Murphy let himself in, followed by Raven and Miller - Now that really spiked his curiosity.

“Where’s Clarke?” Murphy demanded, pulling a roll of trash bags out of the cupboard.

“She’s still asleep, why?” Murphy barged past him, checking his room for Clarke, then gently clicking the door shut. 

“Finn was let out on bail last night” Murphy spoke too fast, nerves or adrenaline pushing him on “He’s gone back to their apartment. Apparently he went to the hospital this morning to find her”

“Shit” Bellamy hissed, “Shit shit shit!” This couldn’t be happening “How the hell did he get out?”

“He’s trying to plead not guilty, he’s saying it was self defence. Bellamy, listen to me – we’re going to have a little chat with him, You Miller and me? Let him know where he stands and get Clarkes stuff back.”

Bellamy took a deep breath, Murphy definitely did not have words with people – and much less Finn. “Let’s go” he shoved his shoes on, Raven took place on the sofa, Clarke usually slept until late morning, the pain meds she was on knocked her out, so she probably wouldn’t even know Raven was here “Don’t say a word about this to her” he warned Raven before storming out with Murphy and Miller.

Murphy pounded on Clarkes apartment door, not caring he was probably waking the entire building up. Eventually, Finn answered the door in his boxers and a white T-shirt - thick, gruesome scratches trailed down his face from where Clarke had tried to get him off. He deserved much worse, but that was what they were here for. 

Murphy grabbed Finn by the shirt, dragging him through to the living room. “You two go get her stuff, we’ve got to have a little conversation” the sound of Murphy’s fist hitting Finns face got Miler into motion, but Bellamy had too much anger to go pack clothes.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Murphy spat “it wasn’t enough that you controlled her every movement, you had to beat her half to death too?” another punch to the jaw, Murphy wasn’t a fighter like he was, but was doing a damn good job of throwing punches.

“Fuck you” Finn sneered, grinning cockily “you think this is going to do shit? She’ll come running, like she always does. You think lover boy over there’s going to keep her around? Give it a week”

Murphy threw him on he floor, Bellamy took the opportunity to give him a hard kick to the ribs, see how he likes it. “Listen here” he spat, stepping down hard on his chest to keep him pinned on the floor. “You keep the hell away from her – you don’t come looking for her, you don’t talk about her you don’t even think about her” he stepped down on his chest harder, hoping to leave an imprint like he had on Clarke. “You say anything about us being here I swear to god I’ll fucking murder you don’t even try and test me”

Miller and Murphy came out the bedroom, trash bags full of Clarke’s clothes and belongings.

“The police are coming” Murphy told him, pulling him back by the arm and dragging Finn up, giving him one more punch in the mouth before storming out.

“She’ll be back” Finn yelled, clutching his bloody mouth. “And until she is you’ll see how much of a psychopath she is. She deserves what she got” 

Bellamy saw red, anger clouding his decisions he turned and threw his fist into Finns nose, feeling overwhelmingly satisfied at the crack under his fist.

“Let’s go” miller yanked in his arm, dragging him out to Murphy’s car. They sat there as police cars swarmed the car park, officers running to the building armed with guns and sniffer dogs.

“What did you do?” Bellamy demanded as blue lights lit up the car

“Put in an anonymous tip about his drug stash. He won’t have time to hide them now, and I’m pretty sure that it’s a breach of his bail so” Murphy shrugged “looks like he’s going back”

“How did you know where his drug stash was?” Bellamy asked carefully, it was genius. 

“Clarke told me there’s a loose floor board in the bedroom, when I found it I called it in” Murphy should have looked smug, but he just looked somber. “I wish I’d have killed him and got it over with” he started the car, driving back to Bellamy’s in silence, the murderous look slightly dimmed by the knowledge Finn was going back to prison and not getting back out this time.

 

Clarke was still asleep when they got back, putting her meagre belongings on the living floor, they collapsed onto chairs around Raven and Octavia.

“She’s still asleep” Raven told them “what happened?” 

Murphy checked his phone, smirking “my inside man tells me he’s been arrested, they’ll push a trial now. Breaking his bail conditions won’t do well in his favour”

Raven didn’t ask any questions. She didn’t get chance to, Clarke came out his bedroom, fully dressed except her sling, which was hanging from her fingers.

“Hey Bellamy, can you just – ” she stopped, looking around and eyes finally settling on Raven. Her eyes glazed over, that dreadful catatonic look coming back. “Oh, never mind” she muttered, turning to leave, Bellamy dove off the sofa, pulling her gently back to him. 

“No. No” he told her “you can’t spend all day in there” he told her gently, taking the sling from her and shaking it out. Clarke winced and took a step back, putting her arm over her face. Bellamy’s stomach dropped, she still flinched when someone moved too close to or too fast. He hears Ravens sharp intake of breath at her reaction, but he didn’t turn around – it was the first time she’d seen Clarke since it happened, Bellamy didn’t want her around Clarke after her and Octavia had accused her of lying about Finn. He tied her sling on, and took her back to the bedroom, patting the bed telling her to sit down. 

“I need to tell you something, but don’t freak out, okay? I promise it’s going to be alright”

“Bellamy you’re scaring me” her voice shook, fear clear in her voice. 

“Finn made bail last night” her eyes widened and she stood up in stock, he pulled her back down to him, not wanting her far away 

“It’s not safe, I need to go, I need to find somewhere – ”

“Clarke it’s okay, Murphy Miller and me went over there this morning, he’s back in jail now. Murphy gave the police a tip off about his drug stash – it was a breach of his release, they’ll push for a court date, it looks worse for him. I promised you I’d protect you; I won’t let him near you again” he assured her, she flung her arm around him, he pulled her into his lap, feeling her heart pounding against him.

She hugged miller, who awkwardly hugged her back, then attacked Murphy, who grinned into her shoulder, telling her punching Finn was his greatest life achievement. She laughed and swayed into his embrace, thanking him over and over.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

Bellamy hated this.

He was sat back from Clarke, who was sitting with her lawyer Emori – a tough, relentless woman who’d agreed to take the case at last minute. They were confident she’d win, but it came down to the jury – a jury who didn’t know them, who could be swayed by Finns lies.

Finn was marched in wearing a suit and handcuffs. Clarke looked down at the table and Bellamy just wanted to jump over that stupid gate and take her into his arms.

A woman who looked vaguely familiar say a few rows behind him, her face was gaunt and haunted. “Abby Griffin” Murphy muttered when he caught him staring. Raven was glaring from her place next to Murphy. “Clarke’s Mother, I don’t even know when they last spoke, probably just after Ravens surgery. Bellamy nodded, putting her out of his mind, now was not the time to get caught up in new dramas.

They were instructed to stand for the judge, who waved his hand when he was seated. Everyone sat down too.

“Finn Collins” the judge boomed, Finn stood up with his Lawyer Ontari. “You are accused of two accounts of abuse and battery; one account of possessing Class A narcotics and one account of breaching your bail agreements how do you plead?”

“Not guilty” his voice rang out loud and clear, Bellamy clenched his fists and imagined the feel of his nose cracking again.

“Very well” the judge sighed, shuffling his papers. “The prosecution may deliver their opening statement”

Emori stood up, strolling over to the Jury. “Ladies and gentlemen of the Jury, today you will hear some unsettling accounts. Accounts of the accused – Finn Collins – controlling, possessive and physically abusive behaviour. My client has had years of physical, emotional, psychological and even finical abuse. She was kidnapped from a women’s refuge she flee to just to get away from him. The years that followed tell a harrowing tale of a woman being manipulated into thinking she can’t get away from her abuser, her money being syphoned out of her grasp so she couldn’t leave, too scared to seek refuge again, isolated from friends and family until she had no one but her abuser. Ladies and gentlemen this is not a happy story, but I’m hoping my client gets some sort of justice”

She sat down. A small smile on her lips as she said something to Clarke – who just nodded, still looking at the table.

Ontari stood then, approaching the Jury.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the prosecution will tell you this tale of an innocent woman abused, trapped in her apartment with no access to friends or family. This is just what they say it is – a tale. Lies spun from a manipulative, lonely woman who drive my client to drink and despair. Mr Collins comes from a low income house, witnessing his own fair share of abuse from his father, his own mother was an alcoholic. He found refuge in a childhood sweetheart, until Dr Griffin broke them up, initiating an affair that lasted several weeks, then continued the relationship for ten years. Ten years, ladies and gentlemen. Does that sound like a length of time one stays with an abuser? Dr Griffin had no familial relationships due to her own mistakes, people saw her for what she is – a liar and a manipulated. She cost her own mother her job instead of supporting her. She had affairs with her friends boyfriends and when my client was made redundant, instead of supporting him she harassed and belittled him, driving him to alcohol as a source of comfort. This woman is liar, every account that comes from her has been manipulated to fit her narrative of a victim.”

Ontari sat down, a smug smile dancing on her lips. Bellamy wondered how another woman could stand and defend a abuser like that? How she could want a man like Finn back in the world?

“The defendants may start with their first witness” the judge called. Ontari stood, scanning the crowd.

“The defendant calls Raven Reyes to the stand” she called, raven nodded sombrely, she’d been told in advance that there was a good chance they’d call her up, they just didn’t expect it to be so soon. Raven took her oath and sat in the box, looking nervous and uncomfortable.

“Miss Reyes – can you tell the people of the Jury the nature of yours and Mister Collins relationship?”

Raven cleared her throat “we were neighbours for as long as I can remember, we started dating when we were fifteen”

“And when did you break up?” Ontari prompted, pacing in front of her.

“When we were in our first year of College”

“Interesting, a five year relationship broken up – why did you break up?”

Raven sighed dejectedly “he had an affair”

Bellamy and Murphy looked at each other, there was a reason they got Raven up as first witness – they needed to taint Clarkes reputation before the trial had even started. 

“Can you tell us who he had an affair with?” Ontari was relentless, there was no break between the questions, she knew exactly where she was going. 

“Clarke Griffin”

A ripple ran through the jury as they murmured to one another. The judge silenced the court, and Ontari got back to her grilling.

“Tell me about your leg – why do you wear a brace?”

“Objection” Emori shouted to the judge “relevance?”

The judge looked expectantly towards who Ontari – who assured him she was getting to the point.

“Then make it” the judge snapped. Ontari gestured to Raven to answer the question. 

“I was hit with a piece of debris after an accident, the surgeon was High during the surgery and damaged a nerve, my leg never recovered”

“And who was the surgeon?”

Raven looked down, tears pooling in her eyes “Abigail Griffin”

“Clarke Griffins mother? Was it Clarke who suggested you go to her mother for the surgery?”

Bellamy turned to look at Abby, who had gone ghostly pale. Finn had told his lawyer everything, Bellamy hadn’t been in the meetings with Clarke and Emori, she hoped they were as prepared as Ontari.

“It was” Raven nodded grimly.

“Clarke suggested her mother – who was then addicted to prescription painkillers and could barely hold a pen, let alone do complex spinal surgery to be your doctor? Did that not feel like sabotage?”

“Objection! Leading the witness” Emori shouted 

“Sustained” the judge agreed 

“Okay” Ontari smiled, unphased “What happened with Finn and Clarke after your surgery?”

Raven froze, Bellamy knew this put Clarke in a bad light, Clarke herself had admitted it was a mistake.

“They got back together”

Another murmur ran through the jury as Raven was dismissed.

“That was fucking dreadful” she muttered as she took her place next to Murphy. Bellamy leant over to squeeze her hand.

“There’s nothing you could have done, let’s just hope Emori’s good at her job”

“I already feel shit after I threw her under the bus with you. I feel like I’ve thrown her in front of an eighteen wheeler” she sat back, arms crossed and starting straight ahead. 

“The prosecution calls Zoe Monroe to the stand” Emori announced, a blonde girl took her oath, looking nervous and pale. 

“Miss Monroe” Emori started with a smile “could you please tell us the nature of your relationship with Mr Collins and Dr Griffin”

“They were my neighbours for the last eight years” the girl stuttered out, refusing to look at either Finn or Clarke.

“What can you tell me about them? What observations were made over the last eight years?”

“They fine at first, Finn – err Mr Collins – was always nice, always spoke to me in the hall. Dr Griffin was always quiet, never really spoke. Everything was okay until a couple of years after I moved in, there were arguments at weird times in the morning, sometimes I’d hear Dr Griffin crying through the wall after. There was always a lot of banging, doors slamming and glasses smashing. Sometimes Dr Griffin would have bruises around her throat or her arms. Before she left the first time she had a black eye”

Emori nodded and paused, letting the jury digest what they’d just heard.

“The night of the incident in question – July ninth – you called the police, can you tell us about that?”

“It was maybe three am, maybe a bit later I’m not sure. But I woke up to shouting, it’s not unusual, but this was different, Clarke – Dr Griffin sorry – was screaming like she was in pain, she was begging him to stop – I was scared so i called the police, I thought he was killing or raping her”

“Thank you, Miss Monroe” Emori smiled, Ontari stood, glaring for a moment before approaching the stand.

“Miss Monroe. You said you heard shouting a lot, was this shouting one sided?” Ontari smiled, but it was a smug, self satisfied look that wasn’t warming. 

“No” Zoe confessed quietly “I heard them both shouting”

“So there’s no way to know who started the arguments?”

“No, there’s not” Zoe confessed, looking apologetically over to Clarke. 

“That’s all Miss Monroe” Zoe was dismissed, and Emori called for a recess. 

Bellamy met up with Clarke and Emori in the corridor, where a heated discussion died as he approached.

“What going on?” 

“We’ve got evidence that will shut this entire case down, one video and this will be over, but Clarke won’t use it” Emori snapped, retying her scarily tight ponytail.

“Clarke” Bellamy started, but she put up her hand to silence him.

“I can’t go through that again. I didn’t even know there was footage of that – I can’t, I’m sorry” she walked off towards the exit. All Bellamy could do was stare after her. Surprisingly it was Raven who went after her, Bellamy followed then, but Raven got there first. Bellamy held back, watching as Clarke took a puff of her Cigarette.

“Why won’t you use the evidence, Clarke?” Raven demanded, standing in front of her so Clarke had to look at her.

“You don’t even know what is” Clarke spat back at her “why do you even care? I know you told Bellamy you thought I was lying about it all anyway”

Raven froze, thinking about her words carefully “that was then. You think that after everything that’s happened I was going to take his side? I hate to be crude but god Clarke, look at your face”

Clarke laughed humourlessly and shook her head. “All it took was him trying to beat me to death to get you to listen, got it”

Bellamy was amazed at Ravens tactfulness as she glazed over the comment “What’s the evidence?”

Clarke took a deep drag, blowing it off to the side “It’s CCTV footage of Finn breaking into the safe house and dragging me out. Apparently they sent it to the police but they didn’t give a shit after I told them I was dropping the charges against Finn. They just thought I was another psycho girlfriend who cried wolf.”

Raven touched Clarkes arm gently, she didn’t flinch away, just stared off into the distance. “Why wont you use it? Once the Jury see that they’ll have to give him a guilty verdict”

“Because it’s humiliating” Clarke exploded, tears running down her face “I went to the one place I was supposed to be safe from him and he dragged me out, forced me drop the charges and made me look like a liar. Do you know how that feels?”

“I don’t” Raven conceded “But you do, and you have a duty to make sure this never happens again, to you or anyone else”

Clarke hung her head, throwing her Cigarette down. “I know” She finally murmured “I know”

 

“The prosecution calls Clarke Griffin to the stand”

Bellamy clenched his fists nervously, after eavesdropping Clarke and Ravens conversation he wasn’t sure he’d be able to cope with what he was about to see, but he had to, for Clarke. She had to know that he was out here being strong for her, and that he’d pick up the pieces when all this was done no matter the outcome. 

Clarke took her oath and sat in the stand, looking nervously around, making sure her eyesight didn’t settle on Finn. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I would first like you to take a long, hard look at my client. You’ve read the police reports, seen the photographs taken in the hospital. There are scars both physically and emotionally that will never heal – all because Dr Griffin had found comfort in another person. What you’re about to see almost wasn’t used in this trial - it was too distressing for my client to watch, but here it is. I want to take you back three years ago, a year after the abuse started. A friend of Dr Griffins had convinced her to go to a women’s refuge, a safe house where she could try and recover and figure out what she could do next”

A screen to the side of the room burst to life, a grainy CCTV image of Finn – a beanie pulled over his head did nothing to disguise him. It showed him walking up the steps to a large house, picking the lock until the door opened partway – a chain lock must have stopped it from opening all the way. Finn stepped back and repeatedly kicked the door until it flew open. There were a tense few minutes as nothing happened on the screen, then Finn came storming through again, dragging Clarke by her hair. No matter how many times she dug her heels in or tried to fight him off he kept going. The camera switched to a street view as Finn hoped Clarke in the car, Bellamy watched in horror as his fist pulled back and came down on where Clarke was in the car. The door slammed and Finn got in the other side and sped off. The screen went dark, Bellamy looked over to the Jury, who had all gone sickly pale.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the second account of assault and battery in this case. That to me was not the actions of a manipulative woman, it was the actions of someone who was scared for their life. Dr Griffin, were any charges made against Mr Collins?”

Clarke shook her head sadly “No”

“And why not?” Emori prompted 

“He said he’d kill me if I didn’t drop the charges, he told me he’d kill me then kill himself so they couldn’t do anything about it”

“Can you give us a quick overview of what happened after this?”

“He wouldn’t let me out the house other than for work, he put a tracker on phone, he transferred the money from my account into his own. If I had to go anywhere he came with me. We broke up a couple of years later, but I still couldn’t leave the apartment, the abuse carried on until – well, you know” Clarke trailed off sadly, leaving Bellamy’s heart aching to be close to her again. To just hold her and take it all away. 

“Thank you Dr Griffin, that’ll be all”

“Does the defence have anything they’d like to add?” The judge asked, staring critically at Ontari.

“No your honour” She sighed, sounding defeated.

“Very well. Court will take a two hour recess. Both sides are expected to give their closing statements when court is next in session”

Bellamy breathed a sigh of relief, his stomach still hadn’t calmed from that CCTV recording, looking over to Murphy and Raven, they weren’t faring any better. 

He wrapped his arms around her outside the courthouse, breathing in the smell of her shampoo and perfume. 

“You guys should go get some lunch” Emori told them “I’m going to work on the best damn closing statement anyone’s ever heard” With a wink, she sauntered off, Murphy stared after her with what Bellamy thought were actual heart eyes.

Clarke just pushed her salad around the bowl as everyone else tried to make conversation around her. They’d stopped trying to get her to join in, it was clear she just wanted some space. Bellamy understood, he felt sick watching that video of her being dragged out of a safe house, he was fuming that the police did nothing, just completely dropped the charged without a second thought that Clarke was basically a prisoner. 

How could one person be failed so badly that it almost cost her life? How could this be justified? It couldn’t, and Bellamy knew that. The best he could do now was make sure Clarke felt safe, to make sure she knew he loved her and he’d never dream of hurting her. 

He could barely hear the closing statements, he knew that Ontari’s was full of crap – it was a plea, to lessen his sentence – knowing he wouldn’t get away with it now, not after the surprise evidence.

Court was adjourned, and Emori just shrugged and told them to wait it out, she’d call when there was a decision and they’d have to go back.

“How longs that going to take?” Clarke demanded, he knew she just wanted it over and done with now. He couldn’t blame her for being on edge.

“Anything between a hour and a month. I don’t think it’ll be long, but I do think you need to prepare that it may not be as quick as you think” they parted ways then, Murphy announcing that he needed a strong drink lead them to a tiny, deserted bar not far from the court. 

Clarke sipped her whiskey sour, Bellamy kept a hand lightly on the small of her back, assuring her he way here. She didn’t say anything about Abby being at the case, he wondered if she’d seen her at al, but was something to bring up another time, now it was about trying to take their minds off what was about to happen – the potential of a long wait for what may not even be justice. 

It didn’t even take an hour for Emori to call and say they were needed back.

“Bellamy” Clarke gasped, holding onto his shirtsleeve, blue eyes wide in terror “What if it wasn’t enough? What if he’s just set free? I’ll have to start a new life over somewhere, maybe Mexico – god why didn’t I pay any attention to high school Spanish?”

Bellamy shushed her, holding her close “It’s okay, everything’s going to be fine just breathe. His own lawyer knows he’s going down – have a little faith”

She nodded, and left him to go find Emori. They sat at the front, where they started. Finn sat on the right, Clarke on the left, nervously clinging to Emori as the Jury was marched in.

The question was asked, guilty or not guilty, and it felt as though the entire room held their collective breath, hoping to god they made the right decision. 

“Guilty” 

That’s the only word Bellamy heard. He knew there was more to the sentence but he didn’t care. He wrapped his arms around Murphy, pounding his back in glee. At the front, Clarke and Emori were embracing, tears of joy rolling down Clarkes face. 

“Dr Griffin” The judge called, and Clarke stood up. “You have been sorely let down by the system that was put in place to protect you. I cannot take away the pain of the last ten years, but I can apologise for the wrong doings of the system.

“Mr Collins – I sentence you to ten years imprisonment for the accounts assault and battery – five years for each account; the same amount of time you have abused Dr Griffin. You are sentenced for five years for the possession of Class A narcotics, and a further three years for breachment of your bail conditions. No person should ever go through what you put this woman through. When you get out, there will be an indefinite restraining order that will prevent you from seeing or speaking to Dr Griffin. She will be free to live her own life without the fear of abuse. 

“I have three daughters, Mr Collins – I hope I never see them go through what you have done. I hope you never have daughters who go through such horrific abuse. Court dismissed”

He was there in an instant, Finn was being pushed out and he took Clarke in his arms as she sobbed happy, relieved tears saying “Eighteen years. I’m free of him for eighteen years”

“You did it” Murphy picked her up and swung her legs off the floor as she laughed “Fuck me Griffin I never thought you’d be rid of the bastard, but there he goes”

“Thank you” She kissed Murphy’s cheek lightly, making him blush scarlet “I wouldn’t have survived the last four years without you”

“You’re a tough one kid” He grinned at her “Now you’re free, I’m going to ask your lawyer out since there’s no more strings between the two of you” He sauntered off towards Emori, Bellamy snorted, Clarke and Raven looked at each other laughed.

They brought Champagne on the way home and danced to the Artic Monkeys long after Octavia had gone to bed. 

Clarke reached up on her tip toes as he drunkenly tried to help her undress for bed and pressed her lips to his, clinging to his shirt. He held her waist and kept her close – promising forever. He knew he could give her everything now – he would give her everything.


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought you guys deserved some fluff after all the angst i put you through so - let there be fluff!

2 years later:

The gentle patter of rain outside the window soothed him, he didn’t like to sleep when the sound felt so much like home. A rumble of thunder somewhere in the distance made him smile. He loved storms and the promise of a beautiful day once it passed. 

Clarkes slow breathing on his bare shoulder tickled the too long hair on his neck, but he made no move to push it away. Her hand briefly twitched on his chest, he put his larger hand over hers, their wedding bands clinking softly. Auroras ring sat proudly on her finger – it was Octavia’s suggestion when he told her of his intention to marry Clarke. A sign that they’d both got through the darkest periods of their life and made something beautiful. Much like the storm that was passing over Arkadia.

The arm snaked around her waist was going numb, but he didn’t care, not when she was so settled. She didn’t sleep much recently, the hot weather too much with her rapidly expanding stomach.

The hand over hers moved down to her stomach, caressing the perfect bump that was soon to be a perfect baby, placed into their arms. There was a shift in her stomach, a little hand or foot pressed to to meet his. He’d desperately miss this – the comfort of his daughter reaching out for him, like she already knew who he was. 

Clarke had been terrified as she’d silently held out the positive pregnancy test. Tears streaming down her face asking how the hell are we going to do this? He was the opposite – holding onto her tightly and spinning her around the kitchen. 

“What if I’m an awful mother?” She’d asked quietly as they lay in bed that night, his mouth pressing soft kisses to her still flat stomach.

“You’ll be the best mother” He assured her “You’re so kind and gentle and giving – I already couldn’t imagine anyone better”

“You’re biased” She’d snorted gently. He knew what it was about – her relationship was strained at best with her own mother. They got back in contact after the trial, Abby was clean now, but the damage to Clarkes trust was irreparable. She had a hard time trusting after Finn, even now she flinches when someone moves too fast or too close to her when she’s not expecting it. But thats okay, he loves her unconditionally and is the first there to reassure her when she had bad nights – dreams of Finns hands wrapped around her delicate throat. He’s there to kiss away the tears and hold her until the storm passes.

“I might be a little biased, but I’m not lying. We’ll get through it, together”

“Together” She’d smiled.

Next to him. Clarke stirred at Bellamy felt the baby turning. “Early Bird” He murmured softly to her stomach “Let mommy sleep just a bit longer”

The movements calmed down then, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Clarke had told him if her movements were anything to go by, their baby was already nocturnal. That was fine by him, he imagined rocking this perfect bundle into calmness in the middle of the night, just their little family while the rest of the world slept, calm and unaware. He couldn’t think of anything better.

The past two years had been nothing short of blissful, filled with laughter from food fights while they were supposed to be cooking, dancing on the cold kitchen tiles at 2am when they got home merry and deliriously in love.

Their engagement had been a quick one, just long enough to buy a dress and suit and for Murphy to get his officiant license online. They’d drove to the beach, the same place Bellamy took Clarke the week after Finns trial with a bottle of champagne and a picnic; they celebrated their new life. With Raven and Miller as their witnesses, Octavia stood proudly at her brothers side, and cried when she could officially call Clarke her sister. Their relationship had blossomed, her and Raven had begged for forgiveness after Finns trial – Clarke just wanted to forget about it all, said that a fresh start was a best start. So Raven had evened out her chopped hair and they cried over wine and Thai food and talked through the night.

Next to him, his phoned buzzed as his 6am alarm disturbed the peace. Clarke groaned, and tightened the grip on his chest, clinging herself to him. “Don’t go” She moaned, but there was hint of a playful smile on her lips.

“It’s half a day” he promised her, Pike had been pretty lenient with his shifts as Clarkes due date crept closer. Two days overdue, he was reluctant to be away at all, but Pike was training him to take over the Gym so he could take early retirement. 

“Half a day too long” She smiled sleepily, trailing kisses up chest to his collarbone and settling on his pulse point. A shiver ran down his spine as desire crept into his stomach.

“Oh no” He laughed “I’m not explaining to pike that I’m late because my hormonal pregnant wife’s horny again”

She threw her head back in laughter “I can’t help it! You’re gorgeous and I’m very hormonal. Plus sex can induce labour” She propped herself up on her elbow, raising an eyebrow at him.

“So you’ve said” He planted a chaste kiss on her lips “Eat some spicy foods, we’ll get that baby out of you when I’m home”

Clarke pouted, but let him go anyway. He helped her up out of bed, knowing she couldn’t do it by herself anymore – there was a lot she couldn’t do by herself now, her bump restricting most movements that didn’t involve eating or waddling.

He flicked the light switch on, she glared from the sudden burst of light in the room. Bellamy just dressed for work as she started on breakfast. He’d miss the nesting stage the most, the entire house was spotless, she’d baked endless cakes and cookies and the freezer was full of enough home cooked meals to get them through the newborn stage. It did unfortunately mean that Murphy, Miller and Lincoln spent at lot of time here as she was constantly feeding them baked treats, but he let it go, knowing that once there was a screaming new born around they’d retreat back to their caves and leave them to be a family.

The girls would not be as easy to get rid of – they were stupidly excited to spoil baby Blake before she’d even got here, her tiny closet already full of tiny pink baby grows. 

His heart fluttered every time he picked one up though.

The smell of bacon frying pulled him into the kitchen, where Clarke stood in his old elasticated boxing shorts low on her hips and an old baggy shirt of his, stretched perfectly around her round belly. She was so beautiful pregnant, filled out and glowing, he’d put a hundred babies in her if she’d let him, they could have various sports teams running around. Clarke had shut down that idea pretty quickly - but a man could dream. 

He wound his arms around her waist and swayed along to no 1 Party Anthem. He hummed against her neck, singing softly in her ear. She grinned as she flipped the bacon, the scar above her lip puckering a bit. The baby kicked, dancing along with them.

“She’s either already got fantastic music taste, or She’s going to be a boxer like daddy” Clarke mused.

He’d given up boxing after Finns trial – the police had put down the illegal underground boxing ring as a ploy to get Bellamy arrested, they held nothing he said as true after the trial was done with. He didn’t want Clarke to worry though, and he’d saved up enough money that with Clarkes savings too, they could afford a decent down payment on a house, the start of a long and happy future together. He settled for teaching boxing now along its his self defence classes – which he’d extended and made a children’s class when Clarke had got pregnant, insisting his daughter would know how to fight back if she ever come across a Finn – not that he’d ever let that happen. 

Clarkes plated up the Bacon and eggs, sitting down with him at the island to eat – possibly for the last time as a two.

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

“Clarke?” He called out, just past midday when his shift at the gym was finished. The house spotless as usual – god forbid a bit of dust should land anywhere near Clarkes freshly polished furniture.

“In here” She called from upstairs. He found her sat on the floor of the nursery, surrounded by paints and an array of stained brushed. “The grass wasn’t quite right, I had to fix it. Help me up please?” He held her hand and pulled her up, he grinned around the room, taking in her masterpiece.

When Clarke had told him she wanted to paint the babies room he thought - well yeah, what else were they going to do with it? He didn’t expect her to paint a full blown meadow with every intricate detail – from the way the sunlight shone on the petals of the flowers to the blue sky expanding into deep space. She’d researched extensively what constellations were in the sky when she was convinced, she wanted the baby to see they sky as they had, every beautiful detail in its full glory. 

“Clever princess” He murmured, kissing her tanned cheek. She wound her arm around his waist and hugged herself as close as she could. She winced slightly, Bellamy looked down at her with concern “You alright?”

“Yeah” She rubbed her belly with her free hand “Just get these twinges every now and then”

“Like Braxton hicks or actual contractions?”

“Not too sure yet” She hummed “They’re not often, but they’re a bit more intense than Braxton Hicks”

Bellamy’s stomach fluttered excitedly “Do you think this could be it?”

“God I hope so” She laughed “Just get her out of me already”

“Soon” He grinned, leaning down to kiss her lips “Soon”

 

.- .- .. …- .

 

Madison Aurora Blake was born two days later – two days of contractions and tears and pain was forgotten as soon as she was placed in their arms, her perfect pink fingers clenched around Bellamy’s much larger finger, and his heart had never felt fuller.

After a hectic day of learning what to do with this tiny, perfect human who relied completely on them, they were sent home, their friends and family crying with happiness as baby Madi was passed for pictures, a very tired and hormonal Clarke crying every time she got to take a picture of someone else holding their perfect baby.

Kane and Pike shared a very well styled out hug and little cry, patting each other hard on the back every now and then to prove their manliness.

Bellamy finally kicked everyone out when Madi started fussing, Kane Pike and Miller left pretty swiftly, telling them breastfeeding was not their thing, they’ll see them when she’s not doing that. Lincoln had to practically drag Octavia and Raven away – Emori had to drag Murphy out by the ear, he wanted one more hug off his sister, telling Clarke just how proud she was for moving on, settling down with a family and the cutest baby this world had ever seen.

Then the door clicked behind them, Madi finally settled on Clarkes chest, as Clarke settled in the crook of Bellamy’s arm.

Just him and his girls – he was finally, truly happy.

 

End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my days my fun little one shot idea turned into 14 chapters and 40k of angst! Thank you all so much for following the story and to everyone for leaving Kudos and comments. You can find me on tumblr @ excuseyouclarke and tell me how much this hurt your feelings.


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